Certain small notations.
Mar. 8th, 2007 10:28 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wolven7A Perfect Circle - [Thinking of You]--- I've been... stressing, these past few months, about the potential meaning of the intersection of the planes of my life with the lives of those around me. I've been thinking about the fact that everyone I know knows everyone I know, if only by work and reputation. I work, I live, i play in a city wherein every part of my life is encapsulated, in some way, and thos3e capsules are then strung together on various lines of force.
I've been thinking about this so much because I've been experiencing it, a lot. (Al Hirt - [Green Hornet]). Every few days, weeks, months, I am reminded, in some way of something someone I've known for 4-10 years is doing, or knew 4-10 years ago has done. This wouldn't be so bad, if there was anything to be done with this knowledge and re-collection, other than know it and collect it. (Android Lust - [Hole Solution]). It seems like there should be some purpose to the gathering of such similar information, doesn't it? The constant finding of old people lost, so much that you wouldn't think there were any lost ones left to find... So what does it mean when the found ones, previously the lost ones, don't want to to have been found by me, or can't be fucked to have been found? Nothing.
It is entirely possible that this doesn't mean anything. I am of the opinion that, in a real sense, meaning does not exist outside of the context of the interaction of two situations, and a shared meaning only arises when two or more people share it. So, what I'm saying here, is that while this seems wonderful, brilliant, bright, dynamic, and powerful, to me, it may seem merely odd, strange, or slightly distasteful to the people involved. In the end, for them, I may just be another mark.
The Nails - [88 Lines About 44 Women]--- I did some serious thinking, last night, about my habit of collecting people, and the various things that sparked my really very intense fear of rejection that, often, probably makes me seem clingy and desperate. It comes down to a death, when I was little; just old enough, in fact, to recognise what was happening, but not the various things that it might mean. So it engrained in me as "Someone I care about leaving, suddenly, without a warning that I can understand." (Muse - [Blackout]). In case you've only been skimming, this relates because it means that when I find people I thought were lost, a part of my brain that's still 6-almost-7 year old equates that with my grandmother being alive again.
Do you see, now, why I've been saying I need to think about some things? This has been cluttered up, unexpressed, in my head, for months. I haven't been able to find the words or time to get it out.
Anyway, as such for this set of experiences, I'm working on letting go, in certain ways. It still means something to me, when people show up from years ago, out of nowhere, it just doesn't mean the same thing, anymore. These are people that I miss, people that I enjoy, and I feel that there is more, here, than simple co-incidence. Too much of this is woven into the parts of my life, too deeply, for me to not drag a meaning out of it, or place one into it.
Placebo - [Pure Morning]--- Here's a survey I stole from![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
michette: 1. Put your music player on Shuffle
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to each question.
4. NO CHEATING.
1. How am I feeling today?
Placebo - [Pure Morning]
2. Where will I get married?
Oscar Brown, Jr. - [Brother Where Are You? (Matthew Herbert Remix)]
3. What is my best friend's theme song?
Burle Ives - [Streets of Laredo]
4. What was high school like?
The Cure - [Burn]
5.What is the best thing about me?
The Dust Brothers - [Commissioner Castration] (There are a few ways to take that, and if it's as the scene in "Fight Club," then as long as I'm not the Commisioner...)
6. How is today going to be?
Franz Ferdinand - [Take Me Out]
7. What is in store for this weekend?
My Ruin - [Bright Red Scream]
8. What song describes my parents?
Leaves' Eyes - [Senses Capture (Non-Album Track)]
9. How is my life going?
Geinoh Yamashirogumi - [Exodus from the Underground Fortress]
10. What song will they play at my funeral?
Faith & the Muse - [Whispered in Your Ear]
11. How does the world see me?
Tom Waits - [Clap Hands (Live)]
12. What do my friends really think of me?
Chumbawamba - [Tubthumping]
13. Do people secretly lust after me?
Tori Amos - [The Waitress]
14. How can I make myself happy?
The The - [This is the Day]
15. What should I do with my life?
Voltaire - [Dunce]
16. Will I ever have children?
Pain - [The Song of the 7 Inch Cowboy]
17. What is some good advice?
Moxy Früvous - [Bad Jim]
18. What do I think my current theme song is?
Sxip - [Philomena's Waltz]
19. What does everyone else think about my current life?
Poe - [Strange Wind]
20. What type of women/men do you like?
National Anthem - God save Ireland ( O.o ?)
21. Will you get married?
Yoko Kanno - [Inner Universe]
22. What should I do with my love life?
MC Frontalot - [Mountain Kind (Demo)]
23. Where will you live?
Oughfunger - [Scratch the World]
24. What will your dying words be?
Moxy Früvous - [Love Set Fire]
25. When I'm having sex, I say...
Ego Likeness - [Severine]
26. When I meet a guy/girl for the first time I say...
Comorbid - [Jesus Was My Copilot One Snowy Afternoon]
If you've never noticed, my WinAmp has a sick sense of humour. Enjoy.
I've been thinking about this so much because I've been experiencing it, a lot. (Al Hirt - [Green Hornet]). Every few days, weeks, months, I am reminded, in some way of something someone I've known for 4-10 years is doing, or knew 4-10 years ago has done. This wouldn't be so bad, if there was anything to be done with this knowledge and re-collection, other than know it and collect it. (Android Lust - [Hole Solution]). It seems like there should be some purpose to the gathering of such similar information, doesn't it? The constant finding of old people lost, so much that you wouldn't think there were any lost ones left to find... So what does it mean when the found ones, previously the lost ones, don't want to to have been found by me, or can't be fucked to have been found? Nothing.
It is entirely possible that this doesn't mean anything. I am of the opinion that, in a real sense, meaning does not exist outside of the context of the interaction of two situations, and a shared meaning only arises when two or more people share it. So, what I'm saying here, is that while this seems wonderful, brilliant, bright, dynamic, and powerful, to me, it may seem merely odd, strange, or slightly distasteful to the people involved. In the end, for them, I may just be another mark.
The Nails - [88 Lines About 44 Women]--- I did some serious thinking, last night, about my habit of collecting people, and the various things that sparked my really very intense fear of rejection that, often, probably makes me seem clingy and desperate. It comes down to a death, when I was little; just old enough, in fact, to recognise what was happening, but not the various things that it might mean. So it engrained in me as "Someone I care about leaving, suddenly, without a warning that I can understand." (Muse - [Blackout]). In case you've only been skimming, this relates because it means that when I find people I thought were lost, a part of my brain that's still 6-almost-7 year old equates that with my grandmother being alive again.
Do you see, now, why I've been saying I need to think about some things? This has been cluttered up, unexpressed, in my head, for months. I haven't been able to find the words or time to get it out.
Anyway, as such for this set of experiences, I'm working on letting go, in certain ways. It still means something to me, when people show up from years ago, out of nowhere, it just doesn't mean the same thing, anymore. These are people that I miss, people that I enjoy, and I feel that there is more, here, than simple co-incidence. Too much of this is woven into the parts of my life, too deeply, for me to not drag a meaning out of it, or place one into it.
Placebo - [Pure Morning]--- Here's a survey I stole from
michette: 1. Put your music player on Shuffle2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to each question.
4. NO CHEATING.
1. How am I feeling today?
Placebo - [Pure Morning]
2. Where will I get married?
Oscar Brown, Jr. - [Brother Where Are You? (Matthew Herbert Remix)]
3. What is my best friend's theme song?
Burle Ives - [Streets of Laredo]
4. What was high school like?
The Cure - [Burn]
5.What is the best thing about me?
The Dust Brothers - [Commissioner Castration] (There are a few ways to take that, and if it's as the scene in "Fight Club," then as long as I'm not the Commisioner...)
6. How is today going to be?
Franz Ferdinand - [Take Me Out]
7. What is in store for this weekend?
My Ruin - [Bright Red Scream]
8. What song describes my parents?
Leaves' Eyes - [Senses Capture (Non-Album Track)]
9. How is my life going?
Geinoh Yamashirogumi - [Exodus from the Underground Fortress]
10. What song will they play at my funeral?
Faith & the Muse - [Whispered in Your Ear]
11. How does the world see me?
Tom Waits - [Clap Hands (Live)]
12. What do my friends really think of me?
Chumbawamba - [Tubthumping]
13. Do people secretly lust after me?
Tori Amos - [The Waitress]
14. How can I make myself happy?
The The - [This is the Day]
15. What should I do with my life?
Voltaire - [Dunce]
16. Will I ever have children?
Pain - [The Song of the 7 Inch Cowboy]
17. What is some good advice?
Moxy Früvous - [Bad Jim]
18. What do I think my current theme song is?
Sxip - [Philomena's Waltz]
19. What does everyone else think about my current life?
Poe - [Strange Wind]
20. What type of women/men do you like?
National Anthem - God save Ireland ( O.o ?)
21. Will you get married?
Yoko Kanno - [Inner Universe]
22. What should I do with my love life?
MC Frontalot - [Mountain Kind (Demo)]
23. Where will you live?
Oughfunger - [Scratch the World]
24. What will your dying words be?
Moxy Früvous - [Love Set Fire]
25. When I'm having sex, I say...
Ego Likeness - [Severine]
26. When I meet a guy/girl for the first time I say...
Comorbid - [Jesus Was My Copilot One Snowy Afternoon]
If you've never noticed, my WinAmp has a sick sense of humour. Enjoy.
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no subject
Date: 2007-03-09 05:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-09 04:52 pm (UTC)