It is a strange thing to find this leverage.

[wolven7]

It is a strange thing to fight so hard for something and then to find that your battle is not the war. To find that your a re merely on a front of the larger conflict, and that there are re-inforcements available, if youo can but contact them, and gain their trust.

I've been willing to fight to bring this whole thing into being, tooth and claw. You know that, I've said it a lot. And, in that fight, you were with me, and yoou had advice and resources, and I appreciated that. But you aren't a part of Mainstream Academia™. You aren't The System™. So, while you can help, and you can struggle, you do not have the kind of leverage I need.

Imagine this: You're fighting against a huge invisible enemy, and you're unable to really touch or talk to the people who can help you, because they're all fighting for different reasons, and from different perspectives. And all of a sudden, there's a letter that there's a section of the invisible thing that doesn't agree.... Man, metaphors and allegories just don't fucking work, here.

Part of the Respected Academic Structure Already Has Entry Points For What I Want To Do. It sounds very "Oppressed Minority," but seriously, unless you've had the experience of wanting something this badly, fighting this hard for it, being told that it will never happen, and no where will accept you, if you pursue it, it'll be harder for you understand the amount of relief and sheer, unadulterate joy that this affords.

I'm trying to scale it back, in my mind, because I'm building it up, too much. There are no guarantees, here. "There is no security on this earth, there is only opportunity." Just have to plan. Thoroughly, completely, well.

Sorry if i'm boring you, but I need to make this as real as possible.

Comments

[not-hothead-yet.livejournal.com]

congratulations and we'll hope for the best.

(welcome to The Castle)

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Thank you, very much.

[moonandserpent.livejournal.com]

Not boring at all. You've got the patience to do what I thought I wanted to do and ditched out on. (I didn't love the academy as much as I thought.) I'm rooting for you.

[wolven.livejournal.com]

I don't love the academy, either, but there are certain things that I can only get, by working through it.

I appreciate it.

[sadistic-apollo.livejournal.com]

wait... you mean it won't cost you yer soul to get what you were lookin for?

awesome, Good luck!

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Precisely.

Thanks.

Academia

[karishi.livejournal.com]

I can see where the advice of unauthorized allies would fall a little flat if no options were visible for avoiding the strictures of academia and still achieving your objectives.
Very old-style RPG: There's a log across your bridge and even though you can see that the river is only a few feet wide in places your hero (who has fought water elementals and won) is clearly aquaphobic, because he ain't willing to cross that river unless by the bridge, and he can't hack the log apart (though he's used his sword to cut creatures made of solid steel asunder), no, he has to wait until he finds the magic charm that gives him the super-strength to move logs, large rocks, and other sundry weights.
Congratulations on finding your charm. Best of luck against the monsters across the river!

Re: Academia

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Thank you, very much. I look forward to it.

[andepie.livejournal.com]

ohhhh no. Congrats! I'll be waging these things soon enough :(

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Good luck, to you.

How've you been?