wolven7 | Braindump. System Restart/Reconfigure: Self-Replication/-Integration Sequence Initiated

kidneythieves - [Arsenal]--- The armoury, the list of things at my disposal, my use and beck and call, seems to be blocked off, blacked out, hidden, un- and re-described in different colours and systems of strata. Many resources need to be redistributed, and allocated to new sectors.

Vocabulary. Words are at a loss, of recent. Phrases escaping, particular etymologies drifting into the layers of forgetten things. Must read, more, more often, describing the phases of new understanding.

Yellow Machinegun - [Center]--- Syntax. Parsing the words and phrases of myself to others, and the system of thoughts, such that there is something to actually say, rather than mere reportage. Synthesys, indeed, rather than the mere "space between." The meaning of that space becomes important, now, because what is unsaid is only meaningful if people know to and know how to look for what is unsaid.

Ben Folds Five - [Smoke]--- Processor power/Logic units. There must be seen or found a new mode of analysis, a new way of picking apart the pieces of that which is handed forward, such that those pieces can be recombined, and restructured for further consumption and discussion.

Language protocols are as follows: When an Input is received, dissect and parse fragement, understanding the thing in itself.

Upon understanding the piece, individually, search surroundings for context, seeking the edges, resolving how the piece fits into the larger whole. Ascertain the pattern, and refit the nature of the understanding of that piece, so that it is a part of the whole.

The Legendary Pink Dots - [City Ghosts]--- When the nature of the "whole" is ascertained, when context is recognised for the types of contexts that it describes and by which it is described, then move on to fractalisation of the "whole." Pieces and patterns to be repeated, fragements and holes to be noted and either discarded or reinforced, at the user's discretion.

Upon encompassing sufficient wave-forms of information, such that one can address the current situation, assess the necessary language and syntax formulations, for the context(s) at hand; apply.

Thom Yorke - [Harrowdown Hill]--- Test One: There are a multitude of problems, here, tonight. There are parties to be had, and socio-political debates to be mulled over, and old friends to be seen, and the basic problem comes down to this: I'm lazy. I don't want to drive any more tonight, and staying home is an extraoridinarily easy option, isn't it? To not move from the couch and the television, and the constant refreshing of three or four internet pages. To no avail.

There is, you understand, a disconnect. I reject the idea that "it's just what happens," that "you lose contact with people" and "you grow apart," and "that's just the way it is." I think that's bullshit, down to a lack of effort, a lack of the recognition of growth and change, and an unwillingness to do the same. (The Platters - [Smoke Gets in Your Eyes]). I've done the same, I do the same, but fuck that doesn't make it right, not the thing that "just happens." It's not fucking Entropy, damnit. It's apathy.

I'm scared of losing people, and I'm scared of connecting too deeply with people. Wah wah, poor me, *cut cut cry cry mascara mascara.* Stop. Think, for a second, about the human condition, if you would: You all feel alone. You all struggle and strive to connect with someone, trying hard-- so fucking hard-- to let them see only the very best parts of you, and askign them to give you everything. (KMFDM - [New American Century]). But you don't want everything, do you? Seriously, ask yourself this: The first time someone fully revealed themselves to you, what happened? You were scared shitless, and a little repulsed, weren't you? Do you know why?

Because you were sure, you were dead certain, that no one else knew about those things. No one but you. And then you ran, because you were afraid of the same reaction from them, and you wanted to beat them to the punch, didn't you?

Or maybe I'm wrong. Maybe you really do long for it. You just want someone to know, and someone to know you, as fully as any individual can know another while remaining so. If so, then I think you're a sick, sick person. No worries; so am I. It is a frightening and exhilerating thing to share everything of yourself with someone, because when you're that vulnerable, you're completely invincible. But how do you know they want it? So someone says they want to know you; so what? Who really says what they mean?

LUXT - [Kashmir (Led Zepplin Cover)]--- Who really says what they mean? There we have it. There are games, aren't there? Where you tease and show, and tell, and taste, a little at a time. The games of discovery, and they're fun games, they're games to show willing, to show that you want to get through layer after layer, because the effort of the work says more than words ever could, yes? But they're not games. They're very important rituals and procedings. But who says games aren't that, right? Some of the most silly seeming games are metaphors for life and death themselves. Anywho, this understanding is such that there can be no better knowledge of a person's intentions, no surer gauge of who they are and what they want. Unless...

Unless they find someone out, before you wanted them to. Then. You are well and proper fucked, aren't you?

Now, let me be clear, this isn't a discussion of Romance. This isn't about "love" or whatever. This is about you, and the people you claim to call close. You most likely don't want to know them as well as you think you do.

You have preferences, and tastes and distastes, and, eventually, someone, somewhere, is going to display something that offends them.

You might be disgusted if you knew certain things about me, my beliefs and my predilections. No boast, no self-loathing, no shame, just fact. (The Chorus - [The Ballad of Sweeney Todd]). But I'd tell you, if you asked. Point blank, up front, yeah, you'd know a little more about me. Truth to tell, you probably think I'd be taken aback by some of your "darker secrets," and I might, at that. But if you offered and I asked you for them (and I will always ask if you offer; it's in my nature), then I would expect nothing less. Nothing more, either, though I might get either.

We all have wants, desires, interaction, longings to be fulfilled, and we don't want to tell others, which is fine. (Tom Waits - [16 Shells from a Thirty-Ought-Six (Live)]). But if you can't admit them to yourself, then it gets bound and bottled. Staggered and discarded. Fermented.

And then you get sick on it, if you drink too much... Get me?

[End Attempted Transmission]

Syntax vocabulary analysis sketchy. Framework identified. Expression uncertain.

More attempts to follow.