No matter where you stand, you will never be completely objective.

[wolven7]

I've realised something, today: I'm not nearly sociopathic enough to do what I claim to want to do. If I could not care about friendships or other inter-personal interactions, I could get three doctorates,a nd spend my time studying. All of it.

But my brain can't work that way. I like [certain, specific] people. I enjoy interaction, and I'm... Well I'm just not smart enough to do it all.

I'm stubborn. I'm willful.

I know what i want and I know what's necessary to get it.

But I don't want to give anything up, ever. Everything in my life is a worthy goal.

And....

I'm going to go smoke, before I get maudlin and whiny.

Back later.

Comments

[sadistic-apollo.livejournal.com]

did you just make a quantum emochanical post?

[wolven.livejournal.com]

YOU'RE a towel.

[sadistic-apollo.livejournal.com]

no, no, i'm fairly certain that if you just say "cutting" or "feel the pain" then it'll be an emo pov to the fact that you can't observe something without effectin it.

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Yeah, but why would you Want to?

Really, all I meant was to say precisely that: The nature of observation is such that you engage the subject and "object" in a relation. So no matter how far removed you are, you will always be both parts of the equations.

[raoin.livejournal.com]

actually now that i re-read that in light of sadistic_apollo's comments, i think he's right. jesus that was scary.

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Sorry, nope. Sociopathy isn't emo. It's pretty much the exact opposiste. So anyone with sociopathic tendencies has an inverse amount of emo-tendencies.

Almost everyone's a mix, though, so, there will be brief moments of either complete disregard for other life, or self-absorption to the point that... well... Emo.

[ellenore.livejournal.com]

"No matter where you stand, you will never be completely objective."

-That's one of the best things I learned in college. Also, no research study/researcher is without bias.

[wolven.livejournal.com]

College seems to be good at teaching that.

'If I could not care about friendships...I could get three doctorates...

[unknownbinaries.livejournal.com]

Or you'd, yknow, start killing people in horrific and creative manners.

Or you'd end up going crazy(ier) from too much input. Listen to Lovecraft.

But seriously, it's the best bits of the interactions that enable you to explore and gain new insight outside of your own head on the things you are studying, no?

Re: 'If I could not care about friendships...I could get three doctorates...

[wolven.livejournal.com]

That too.

Thank you for the perspective, dear.

Re: 'If I could not care about friendships...I could get three doctorates...

[raidingparty.livejournal.com]

(ferretjump... ooh, hey, I just noticed that thurisazshole's image is animated; wow, that's subtle. And yummy)

That is one thing. If nothing else, friends exist to bring us outside of ourselves, and give us new perspectives.

I've had similar sociopathic streaks to what you're considering wherein I mentally put success at odds with friendship and relationships, and usually shut myself off for a few weeks at a time.

The first problem here is the goals. If you don't have friends, what would be the point? Admirable dedication, but it would be a different form of selling your soul. Would you be willing to sacrifice yourself at the altar of thought?
Again, not necessarily a negative connotation; my perspective is that isn't what you want, but if it is, I'll support your decision. (although it'll be from afar, since I'd probably never see you again)

The second problem here is the underlying statement (and I'll admit to going out on a limb here, but considering how often I've indulged similar thoughts...) The underlying statement isn't "I'm considering throwing all this away." It's "I'm being provocative because I don't think I can do it and want confirmation and/or reassurance."

You can do it. Hell, I can do it. You can even, if you want, go for all three simultaneously, study your ass off, and still maintain healthy relationships with everyone around you. It comes to a point of holding onto whatever is important to you.

For the first time ever in my life, I've been keeping up with a calendar and a to-do list. I feel fantastic about my future, and I'm not afraid about missing out on stuff. I will grant that many days (especially last night... ooogh) I cross most of the stuff off and put it on the next day because I didn't accurately predict how long it would take, but I'm still only a week out with 'stuff to do' before my to-do list has been finished. Despite getting closer to DragonCon, and the very slow rate, the to-do list is getting smaller.

I'm not sure that time is the only factor, but it was a big one in my fears about not being able to pull it off. Look at whoever's telling you you can't do it, figure out their rationale, and then do what you can to dissolve that reason. If they don't have any excuses left, they don't have any power.

This is a terribly long post, partly because I'm reassuring myself as well as you. I think I'll end here and continue other threads in my own web. Do well.

Re: 'If I could not care about friendships...I could get three doctorates...

[wolven.livejournal.com]

It's true. Without the netwrok through which to share what I achieve, it's pretty well meaningless (except to me).

And my to-do lists get done, but I have a hard time remembering what needs to be done.

Re: 'If I could not care about friendships...I could get three doctorates...

[raidingparty.livejournal.com]

I've been putting them down on notecards. It's a horrible thing, but this generation's gaming addiction has affected my organizational habits. On the upside, I can sometimes make a bit of a game out of it. ("What to do today?" shuffle shuffle, draw "clean the cat. Oh crap, not again, the scars are still fresh... of course, I did this yesterday. Let me try again." shuffle shuffle, draw "Give Jeanellybean five pounds of fudge. Waitaminute, this isn't my handwriting!")

Again, the habit is in just looking at it regularly. Just like remembering more things from your dreams when you get used to writing it down. My brother's been talking about focus recently, and I'm sure you've come across it as well. If you forget something... one, it's not the end of the world
(unless you forgot to paint the walls in blood to prevent the breach), and two, it's a far sight better trying than not. More will come up as you work on it, and you get farther by correcting course along the way, and noone will fault you for changing with the times. Ready, fire, aim.

And thank you for the opportunity to say these things. It sounds like we're in similar places at the moment, but even if you don't need to hear all this, I definitely do need the reassurance.

Re: 'If I could not care about friendships...I could get three doctorates...

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Any time. And thanks for the input.

Re: 'If I could not care about friendships...I could get three doctorates...

[thurisazshole.livejournal.com]

were you planning on getting the slabs of paper saying you did stuff for years on end and had dedication blah blah at the same time, or one after another?

spoke to my father about that and he said the way to go about it, if he were to do it again: is to get one doctorate, get a job in that field while your studying for your second. decide if you want double the experience in that field, or the same amount of experience in the second field, when your getting your third doctorate. if its feasable for the fields. my father: dr. dr. thurisaz Sr. phd. esquire the tent-billionth... ok scratch esquire et al ad nauseum and i THINK thats what he is....whatever. he said he did a whole lot of nothing for his titles.

"then he'll have what he wants, have some of it paid off by then, and die in 3 years from the christian apocolypse that was brought upon by the re-reincarnation of david caresh's sodomized half neice." *huge charismatic smile*
- good ole dad

he was drunk....i think...or just happy that some other poor sap (pronounced: victim) was planning at some point to get a triple doctorate.

Re: 'If I could not care about friendships...I could get three doctorates...

[wolven.livejournal.com]

We'll see how it goes. It'll most likely be me piecing my field of expertise together out of several different ones.