"Hey I, Oh I hope you don't crash."
Jun. 21st, 2002 02:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wolven7I'm in a house, out in the woods, at a party. i meet all of these new people, and there are these two girls there. One of the girls is someone i know, and who is interested in me. This one is a brunette. We talk, and hang around.Something happens, and me and the other girl have to look for people in the woods. She gets in this jeep, and i grab onto the roll bar, and she goes tearing through the woods. The jeep rolls, and swerves, and i don't fall, and everything goes well. We eventually make it back to the house, and find the people. I've got my arm around the other girl (Blonde), and we're standing in the kitchen, next to a table, with food and stuff on it. The brunette looks at me, and i look at her. There are no words spoken, but there's an understanding between us. She kind of nods and walks away.
The house is now both a house, with a foundation and everything, and a boat. It's moving around to the back of itself, which is also an island. Everyone on the boat has ben on this sort of adventure before, with each other, and they've paired off into groups of people with similar interests. There is this cartographer and he's very amiable, and liked by everyone. The entire time, there's this feeling of the brunette, in the background, watching everything. There's a little bit of rough water, and a storm. We make it to the island.
There are these people on the island who say that they're movie producers. We're supposed to help them do some filming, and be in whatever it is that they're making. At one point, this guy who looks like Cheech Marin comes up, and starts talking about the things we're going to have to use, for the scenes. He shows us a chainsaw, and an A-K 47. He shows us how to use them, and, in the process, shoots one of the guys, there. No one is surprised, or even upset by this. There is a woman, sitting in the director's chair, talking to some of the guys. She calls Cheech over, and asks him something. He answers her with "They won't be alive long enough for it to matter, anyway. At this point, we're on the steps of some Mayan temple, which is also the House. I look at the director chick, and she has her hair done like Gabriella Rossman, from "Kafka;" lots of hair, done up so that it takes up less space, only the director chick's hair is black. She turns around, and looks at me, and as she walks toward me, there's fighting going on in the background. Cheech says the same thing, again, to the "producers" who are having trouble fighting the rest of the guys who were on/in the boat/house. Tells them that we won't live long enough to cause too much trouble. But he's starting to get nervous, because we're all fighting back, extremely well. I reach in my bag, and pull out one of my knives (Wyn), as the Director walks towards me. She says to me, "What do you have in there, a gun? Oh, a knife. One of the boys must have tossed it to you." I don't say anything, but unsheathe my knife, and advance on her. She has a similar knife in her hand, but i grab that hand at the wrist, and start cutting her, from her upper arm, downward. I eventually get to her wrist, slice it and she says "Please don't blow on it." I cut her, shallowly, across the stomach, and she pushes her stomach at me. She wants me to drink the blood. i don't. i take her inside the temple, and find a ceremonial pool, and i drop her in it, head first. She starts having sex with me. There's still a battle going on, all around me. Another brief flash of the brunette, from before, as if she's watching me. i wake up
I may as well have just written, "Today I stuffed some dolls full of dead rats I put in a blender.
"I'm beginning to wonder if may there really is something wrong with me."
Sometymes my dreams make me think i'm crazy, but i can always see a corollary, to my life. Sometymes i wonder if i'm simply insane, and all of my delusions are merely extremely lucid... Sometymes, i want to just make it all happen, and see what other people think of it. Sometymes my subconscious scares me.
I have dreams, like this, where i have Exactly what i want, right before me, and for whatever reasons, i push it away. I do that, in life, sometimes. Through my own choice, i lose the very thing for which i've looked so long. Why? The alternative is NOT better. Joblessness is not preferable to Have A Job. Loneliness and Insecurity are not preferable to Something That Will Last. So why do i do it? Approach avoidance? Maybe. But, perhaps, it's more than the simple deep-seeded fear of success that we all have. Perhaps.
Whatever it is, whatever cog-wheel is loose in my head, and causes me to do these things to myself, i only hope i can fix it, before the tyme comes for me to make that choice...
Day Dream
The house is now both a house, with a foundation and everything, and a boat. It's moving around to the back of itself, which is also an island. Everyone on the boat has ben on this sort of adventure before, with each other, and they've paired off into groups of people with similar interests. There is this cartographer and he's very amiable, and liked by everyone. The entire time, there's this feeling of the brunette, in the background, watching everything. There's a little bit of rough water, and a storm. We make it to the island.
There are these people on the island who say that they're movie producers. We're supposed to help them do some filming, and be in whatever it is that they're making. At one point, this guy who looks like Cheech Marin comes up, and starts talking about the things we're going to have to use, for the scenes. He shows us a chainsaw, and an A-K 47. He shows us how to use them, and, in the process, shoots one of the guys, there. No one is surprised, or even upset by this. There is a woman, sitting in the director's chair, talking to some of the guys. She calls Cheech over, and asks him something. He answers her with "They won't be alive long enough for it to matter, anyway. At this point, we're on the steps of some Mayan temple, which is also the House. I look at the director chick, and she has her hair done like Gabriella Rossman, from "Kafka;" lots of hair, done up so that it takes up less space, only the director chick's hair is black. She turns around, and looks at me, and as she walks toward me, there's fighting going on in the background. Cheech says the same thing, again, to the "producers" who are having trouble fighting the rest of the guys who were on/in the boat/house. Tells them that we won't live long enough to cause too much trouble. But he's starting to get nervous, because we're all fighting back, extremely well. I reach in my bag, and pull out one of my knives (Wyn), as the Director walks towards me. She says to me, "What do you have in there, a gun? Oh, a knife. One of the boys must have tossed it to you." I don't say anything, but unsheathe my knife, and advance on her. She has a similar knife in her hand, but i grab that hand at the wrist, and start cutting her, from her upper arm, downward. I eventually get to her wrist, slice it and she says "Please don't blow on it." I cut her, shallowly, across the stomach, and she pushes her stomach at me. She wants me to drink the blood. i don't. i take her inside the temple, and find a ceremonial pool, and i drop her in it, head first. She starts having sex with me. There's still a battle going on, all around me. Another brief flash of the brunette, from before, as if she's watching me. i wake up
I may as well have just written, "Today I stuffed some dolls full of dead rats I put in a blender.
"I'm beginning to wonder if may there really is something wrong with me."
Sometymes my dreams make me think i'm crazy, but i can always see a corollary, to my life. Sometymes i wonder if i'm simply insane, and all of my delusions are merely extremely lucid... Sometymes, i want to just make it all happen, and see what other people think of it. Sometymes my subconscious scares me.
I have dreams, like this, where i have Exactly what i want, right before me, and for whatever reasons, i push it away. I do that, in life, sometimes. Through my own choice, i lose the very thing for which i've looked so long. Why? The alternative is NOT better. Joblessness is not preferable to Have A Job. Loneliness and Insecurity are not preferable to Something That Will Last. So why do i do it? Approach avoidance? Maybe. But, perhaps, it's more than the simple deep-seeded fear of success that we all have. Perhaps.
Whatever it is, whatever cog-wheel is loose in my head, and causes me to do these things to myself, i only hope i can fix it, before the tyme comes for me to make that choice...
Day Dream
