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wolven7So i went to the KMFDM show, last night. The Kidney Thieves were amazing. 16 Volt was Eh. And then there was Sasha and the Crew.
KMFDM live is an experience EVERY fan should have, at least ALWAYS! The entire crowd was singing, dancing, talking, being there. We dragged them back on stage for two Encores. The last encore was "Godlike." They played their cover of "These Boots are Made for Walking," and they played "Flesh" and so many other things. They played "Megalomaniac"! It was utterly amazing, on So many levels. And there's the problem.
Perhaps, first, we should discuss the many dangers of putting all of one's hopes and dreams into and toward one plan. It's a Bad Idea. But you tend to do it subconsciously, so there's really not too much you can do about it. You may say to yourself. "I'm going to do this thing, and if it works, wonderful. If it doesn't, then i shall move on," and you may have every intention of doing that, but somewhere along the way, something gets fucked up... Something goes wrong. You start looking at that course of action, and thinking about how pretty it is, and how nice it will be When it works out. The "If" factor is, somehow, gone from your equation. That If Factor is important.
I forgot to ask myself "What if it doesn't work?" I didn't allow failure to be an option, and i started grasping at everything the universe sent me. And i was SO SURE. It was too much of a coincidence to be a coincidence. But, in retrospect, it seems that it was merely a tactic to get me to the KMFDM concert. That was the key factor. Because the part of me that went to the concert and had an amazing tyme, did Exactly that. And that part is trying to integrate itself with the rest of my psyche. It's trying to be accepted and realised and appreciated. But the other part of me, the part of me that was expecting (and that's what i get, i guess) to see her there, to meet her, to be with her, and to have realised this goal, and this key factor, that part of me wants to curl up in the corner somewhere and cry for days. But what the fuck will that get me? Nothing. Of course there's the little pessimistic voice in the back of my head saying "What the fuck has keeping going on, and keeping up the fires gotten you, except the ability to say that you've done it?" But i'm trying not to listen to that. All it's doing is keeping me from figuring out my options.
And i do need to figure out my options. Because there is the part of me, here, that has this wonderful, amazing, mindblowing experience that has touched it, and that part wants to spread the experience to all of me. But then the other parts view it as a let-down, a disappointment. Yet another broken Ice Sucky machine, in the convenience store of life. Etc. If I am to move on, and do anything else, i need to heal the Schism, here, and fix the contaminated system parts. It seems that meditation is necessary. It's the only way i can see, right now, to do this quickly and efficiently. So i'll do that, in a little while. *sigh*
Ok, i would like to thank the people (person) who have directly helped me out, today, and all the people who have helped, indirectly. Always remember, i've got issues in me headmeats, so bear with me, ok? I'm trying not to lose confidence, and i'm trying not to look at it all as a cruel joke. I'll take it as a misinterpreted message to make sure that i went to the KMFDM concert, had a good time, and got my mind off of things, and relaxed. Which i did. And Yes, it is very easy to mis-read even (Read: "Especially") the things about which you know the most, when you're trying to do something that you think may or may not be driving you insane. Try it sometime, if you don't believe me.
On that note, i'm heading out. Ta ta.
Day Dream Well
KMFDM live is an experience EVERY fan should have, at least ALWAYS! The entire crowd was singing, dancing, talking, being there. We dragged them back on stage for two Encores. The last encore was "Godlike." They played their cover of "These Boots are Made for Walking," and they played "Flesh" and so many other things. They played "Megalomaniac"! It was utterly amazing, on So many levels. And there's the problem.
Perhaps, first, we should discuss the many dangers of putting all of one's hopes and dreams into and toward one plan. It's a Bad Idea. But you tend to do it subconsciously, so there's really not too much you can do about it. You may say to yourself. "I'm going to do this thing, and if it works, wonderful. If it doesn't, then i shall move on," and you may have every intention of doing that, but somewhere along the way, something gets fucked up... Something goes wrong. You start looking at that course of action, and thinking about how pretty it is, and how nice it will be When it works out. The "If" factor is, somehow, gone from your equation. That If Factor is important.
I forgot to ask myself "What if it doesn't work?" I didn't allow failure to be an option, and i started grasping at everything the universe sent me. And i was SO SURE. It was too much of a coincidence to be a coincidence. But, in retrospect, it seems that it was merely a tactic to get me to the KMFDM concert. That was the key factor. Because the part of me that went to the concert and had an amazing tyme, did Exactly that. And that part is trying to integrate itself with the rest of my psyche. It's trying to be accepted and realised and appreciated. But the other part of me, the part of me that was expecting (and that's what i get, i guess) to see her there, to meet her, to be with her, and to have realised this goal, and this key factor, that part of me wants to curl up in the corner somewhere and cry for days. But what the fuck will that get me? Nothing. Of course there's the little pessimistic voice in the back of my head saying "What the fuck has keeping going on, and keeping up the fires gotten you, except the ability to say that you've done it?" But i'm trying not to listen to that. All it's doing is keeping me from figuring out my options.
And i do need to figure out my options. Because there is the part of me, here, that has this wonderful, amazing, mindblowing experience that has touched it, and that part wants to spread the experience to all of me. But then the other parts view it as a let-down, a disappointment. Yet another broken Ice Sucky machine, in the convenience store of life. Etc. If I am to move on, and do anything else, i need to heal the Schism, here, and fix the contaminated system parts. It seems that meditation is necessary. It's the only way i can see, right now, to do this quickly and efficiently. So i'll do that, in a little while. *sigh*
Ok, i would like to thank the people (person) who have directly helped me out, today, and all the people who have helped, indirectly. Always remember, i've got issues in me headmeats, so bear with me, ok? I'm trying not to lose confidence, and i'm trying not to look at it all as a cruel joke. I'll take it as a misinterpreted message to make sure that i went to the KMFDM concert, had a good time, and got my mind off of things, and relaxed. Which i did. And Yes, it is very easy to mis-read even (Read: "Especially") the things about which you know the most, when you're trying to do something that you think may or may not be driving you insane. Try it sometime, if you don't believe me.
On that note, i'm heading out. Ta ta.
Day Dream Well
