Apologies are better than sorrows.

[wolven7]

When people tell you they're sorry, you have no way of knowing if they mean it, if they're sincere, and if you're reallypissed, chances are you won't believe them, anyway. It means a lot when it's true, but it's so muddled with interpretive action as to be nearly meaningless, save sentimentality.

Also, "sorry" indicates regret. I'm very rarely sorry for something i've done intentionally.

I prefer the phrase "I Apologise." You can't lie when you say it, and it does what it says. I will apologise for hurting your feelings or your physicality, calling you out, insulting you, but i'm probably not sorry I did it.

Why should I lie?

This has been brought to you by nothing in particular, save thoughts rambling through my head...

Comments

[pallandrome.livejournal.com]

I find that most "I'm sorry"s mean "I'm sorry what I did hurt you" rather than "I'm sorry I did it".

I tend to accept either one. One can be quick on forgiving, and not so quick on the forgetting, if one suspects the person who is sorry doesn't mean it, or doesn't understand why.

[lizzibear.livejournal.com]

apologizing is a bunch of crap. If you're sorry for something, fine do something to fix it, but don't fucking apologize. It means nothing, nor will it fix anything.

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Yeah, when I say that I'm sorry, i tend to say "I'm sorry that it hurt you, as that was not my intent." Because that's the truth.

There are very few things in life that i'm sorry for having done.

[renatus.livejournal.com]

By the way, did you ever get an answer to the email you send to Tavisha regarding the friending?

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Nope. Not Ever. And that freaks me out a bit. But i'll let it slide. This time. :)

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Apologies are often the opening statements to the questions of "how can it be fixed?"

[renatus.livejournal.com]

That's really weird. Not ever getting a reply to the comment I left on that other journal I could almost understand, but this kind of freaks me out too, and I'm not sure why!

[wolven.livejournal.com]

That's exactly my feeling. I don't know if i'm over-reacting, but i'm too paranoid Not to trust my instincts, and proceed with caution...

[insomniated.livejournal.com]

Did this thought train start from my false "sorry" about blowing up your friends page? Hehe. If so, I'm not at all sorry for that. I love to make people think. Tis always a good thing.

As for apologies, you can ask buckthorn when an apology is owed, I say that I apologise, only after some thought, and only after I mean that I regret my action and it shan't be repeated.

*been quite odd lately*

[smokierings.livejournal.com]

People have been having issues with my habit of using "sorry" to mean sympathy, rather than an acceptance of responsibility for the situation/feeling at hand. It's starting to get under my skin.
Are there any good phrases for "I wish you didn't feel bad" other than "That Sucks"?

[wolven.livejournal.com]

I was hoping someone would bring that up. I use it, when I use it, to express sympathy, and empathy.

"Sorry about that," or "sorry that happened" can work.

[wolven.livejournal.com]

That and many other things. Just been in my head, recently.

[smokierings.livejournal.com]

I have to wonder if it's not just the people I'm dealing with. Even when responding with those variants, they inevitably answer with "Oh, it's not your fault".. even if it's regarding them being ill!

[insomniated.livejournal.com]

That irks me. Because I'm still sorry they're ill, or sad, or whatever. I wouldn't have said it if I weren't. They would know if I wasn't sorry!! Believe me.

[kitsuchan.livejournal.com]

I think that saying "I'm sorry" is okay if you're sorry about the consequences (the other person being sad/hurt) or the necessity of the situation. Saying "I apoligise" is almost like saying "I'm not sorry," so unless there's no part of the situation that you feel bad about, regardless of regret or lack thereof, it's good to express that you feel bad. Personally, I would prefer, "I'm sorry. How can I help," or "How can I fix it?" or best yet, suggestions for how one can help fix things.

[insomniated.livejournal.com]

I say "I apologise" when it's about something I said or did. And only if I truly mean it. Kinda the opposite of what you mean. When I say "I'm sorry" it's about just something sucky the person's going through in general. Exactly like you mean. Guess if we ever dialogue we'll have to be careful. Lol.

My two cents.
*bored*

[wolven.livejournal.com]

That's entirely possible, but so many people have lost the sympathy side of "sorry," and only hear the fault.

[wolven.livejournal.com]

If they have my sympathies, then i'm sorry. If my actions hurt them, then i'm sorry for the hurt, but not the actions. The hurt gets a sorry, the actions get an apology. That's the most honest, meaningful way, for me.

[paosparti.livejournal.com]

I like that you brought this up. I've always had problems with forgiving in many aspects... forgiving myself, forgiving others...

I have found in the last year that I have said things I don't mean... I'm not sure why this has started... I've even wondered if it is a very strange result of my new medications. I the past I NEVER did that. Nothing past my lips I hadn't thought over first... or at least thought before but never said. It frightens me that I've acquired this weird habit of being spiteful and thoughtless with remarks.

I said all that above because it was foundation for my issues with forgiveness. Because I previously never made comments even in anger that I didn't mean I have/had trouble believing that others didn't REALLY mean what they said but later wish that it hadn't resulted in such consequences. And now I'm horribly afraid people don't really forgive me when I truly wish to apologize for some of the crazy shit I really never meant that flys from my mouth these days.

It would be nice if people made some distinction between real regret for the act and regret for the result...

[wolven.livejournal.com]

I tsounds awkward and formal to a lot of people, but you can make it pretty clear in the words you choose.

[pallandrome.livejournal.com]

This is, of course, why the english language bites horrendous ass occasionally. I propose a new word, "Sorpologise", to mean that which sorry does NOT mean, to vary based on whichever the person who says it REALLY means, should they be sincere.

Sorpologise

[insomniated.livejournal.com]

Kinda sounds like a surprise apology party to me...

But, again, *dense*

To make sure people know what I mean, I ramble until they go, "Okay, okay, I get it," but that may involve being an ESE teacher, also (having to rephrase, reiterate, etc. all the time).

[unknownbinaries.livejournal.com]

Mm. The 'sorry' bit is also useful in that it shows that you know you fucked up...for whatever good that is for.

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Sometimes that is very important. That falls under my regret from unintended consequences.