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wolven7So... At approximately 10pm EDT, April 22, 2005, ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
mr_hinzelmann left my house to go study, at R Thomas. It was storming, at this point. Those of you to whom i was talking, online, know that i was about to leave, due to the storm's renewed ferocity. Two minutes after mr_hinzelmann left, it started to Hail. Hail, like sheets of rain, through which one could not see. This caused beard, mr_hinzelmann, and I all to have the same thought: mr_hinzelmann should come back, because it's safer here. Before his leaving, mr_hinzelmann said to me: "See you later, as long as I don't Die."
mr_hinzelmann called me, to say he was on his way back, at which point we agreed, all of us, and decided to stay in. He arrived back, at approximately 10.20pm. At the poit of his entering the door, the power went out, almost immediately. I, being me, immediately yelled at the storm. We, all three of us, set about searching the house, for sources of illumination, candles, flashlights, whatever, and i remember: "Wait! We have some candles, in one of the drawers! Shabbat Candles..." You heard me.
So we set about lighting these candles, sticking them in Coke cans, as is our wont, when i looked down, and realised what i was doing. It hit me like a bolt of lightning, from above and i screamed, "Lamb's Blood! Lamb's Blood NOW, Gods Damn It!" Because i was lighting Shabbat Candles, on the night before Passover, when the power had been forcibly removed, from my house, due to hail. I grabbed my lamb, from the freezer, and ripped open the package. I removed the soaking pad, from the bottom, held it over a candle, to thaw it, and went, and spread the blood over my threshold. Yes, I did. I then set about pulling out the wine, and frantically searching the house, for unleven bread.
Now, of the three people you know, or maybe you don't,beard, mr_hinzelmann, and myself are the most likely to be struck down, in case of recurrence of Plague, if there were to be a Biblical God. We are all First Born Sons, we are all blasphemers, and we are all evil, evil men, in our ways. There are other things, but, for now, this is enough. We are also all esoterically, metaphysically, agnostically, and spiritually occult-inclined. We take no chances.
Tortilla Chips Count As Unleven Bread. So do Saltines. Crackers, by definition, are unlevel bread. No yeast.
We are eating this, fretting, calling all the Jews we know, to make suer we aren't missing anything. I called Jon: Possibly the worst Jew I Know. Reformed Jew who loves bacon, and does everything he can, on Saturday. On purpose. He's decided that he's atheist, but, to paraphrase David Cross, his mother's vagina was Jewish, so... There ya go.
The lord of Smoking came home at about 11, and we made him eat a cracker. I talked tomech_angel, and explained what was going on, and had generally amusing conversation.
To make a long story short, we listened to music by Jewish composers (most of which had ominous titles), onmr_hinzelmann's batter-powered laptop, until Midnight. At which point we all had one last cracker, to show we had survived. Three minutes later, 12.03 am, exactly, the power came back on. And now we are here. Alive and well.
Happy Passover.
God-- as well as the rest of us-- has a Sick sense of humour. Take that, as you will.
I'm off to eat large amounts of pork, cheese, and beef. And maybe some shellfish, with some of that German Gas-Chamber Ale. Go worship the Sun God, and all... Heh.
Good Night. Be good at it.
mr_hinzelmann left my house to go study, at R Thomas. It was storming, at this point. Those of you to whom i was talking, online, know that i was about to leave, due to the storm's renewed ferocity. Two minutes after mr_hinzelmann left, it started to Hail. Hail, like sheets of rain, through which one could not see. This caused beard, mr_hinzelmann, and I all to have the same thought: mr_hinzelmann should come back, because it's safer here. Before his leaving, mr_hinzelmann said to me: "See you later, as long as I don't Die."mr_hinzelmann called me, to say he was on his way back, at which point we agreed, all of us, and decided to stay in. He arrived back, at approximately 10.20pm. At the poit of his entering the door, the power went out, almost immediately. I, being me, immediately yelled at the storm. We, all three of us, set about searching the house, for sources of illumination, candles, flashlights, whatever, and i remember: "Wait! We have some candles, in one of the drawers! Shabbat Candles..." You heard me.So we set about lighting these candles, sticking them in Coke cans, as is our wont, when i looked down, and realised what i was doing. It hit me like a bolt of lightning, from above and i screamed, "Lamb's Blood! Lamb's Blood NOW, Gods Damn It!" Because i was lighting Shabbat Candles, on the night before Passover, when the power had been forcibly removed, from my house, due to hail. I grabbed my lamb, from the freezer, and ripped open the package. I removed the soaking pad, from the bottom, held it over a candle, to thaw it, and went, and spread the blood over my threshold. Yes, I did. I then set about pulling out the wine, and frantically searching the house, for unleven bread.
Now, of the three people you know, or maybe you don't,
beard, mr_hinzelmann, and myself are the most likely to be struck down, in case of recurrence of Plague, if there were to be a Biblical God. We are all First Born Sons, we are all blasphemers, and we are all evil, evil men, in our ways. There are other things, but, for now, this is enough. We are also all esoterically, metaphysically, agnostically, and spiritually occult-inclined. We take no chances.Tortilla Chips Count As Unleven Bread. So do Saltines. Crackers, by definition, are unlevel bread. No yeast.
We are eating this, fretting, calling all the Jews we know, to make suer we aren't missing anything. I called Jon: Possibly the worst Jew I Know. Reformed Jew who loves bacon, and does everything he can, on Saturday. On purpose. He's decided that he's atheist, but, to paraphrase David Cross, his mother's vagina was Jewish, so... There ya go.
The lord of Smoking came home at about 11, and we made him eat a cracker. I talked to
mech_angel, and explained what was going on, and had generally amusing conversation.To make a long story short, we listened to music by Jewish composers (most of which had ominous titles), on
mr_hinzelmann's batter-powered laptop, until Midnight. At which point we all had one last cracker, to show we had survived. Three minutes later, 12.03 am, exactly, the power came back on. And now we are here. Alive and well.Happy Passover.
God-- as well as the rest of us-- has a Sick sense of humour. Take that, as you will.
I'm off to eat large amounts of pork, cheese, and beef. And maybe some shellfish, with some of that German Gas-Chamber Ale. Go worship the Sun God, and all... Heh.
Good Night. Be good at it.
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Date: 2005-04-23 04:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-23 04:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-23 06:11 am (UTC)Dunno what the storm was about, I didn't think I did that one...
Bloody Hilarious
Date: 2005-04-23 12:10 pm (UTC)NightFall and i are Jewish and Half-Jew, respectively, by birth. But evidently our nefarious pagan gods protected us, because all we saw was some pretty lightning. I was vaguely aware that it was passover.
Glad to hear all you kids survived Jehovah's Piss Fit 2005. (look ma, i'm a meteoroligist)
(in case He's listening, i <3 Jehovha, please send no locusts)
no subject
Date: 2005-04-23 12:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-23 12:45 pm (UTC)next time, if yer forced to pay for offending a diety can i have your stuff?
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Re: Bloody Hilarious
I don't get Locusts, but i got Cicada's when i was 4, and again, when i turned 21.
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And no, because if I'm goin' down, I'm takin' my stuff with me. It'll spruce up the Office nicely.