I really don't want to be tarpped, anywhere.

[wolven7]

Dreams of staying with mech_angel, somewhere, seemed like her dad's house. Dreams, following that, of going to jail, for nothing. Literally noithing, and that was frightening me. Anything i'd done, it wasn't enough to send me to jail, nad i was being put on trial. I was being imprisoned. All of the settings were coimbinations of places, here and in DC. Bits and pieces about mech_angel posting livejournasl entries from work.

I try to make sure i don't do things that would even conceivably land me in jail, for any appreciable period of time... Meaning more than a few hours. But something i'd done, or been thought to do, caused me to go to jail, in my dream. All kinds of famous cops were my friends....Shit... I might have killed someone, in self-defence. But it was self-defence...

I don't want to be trapped. I awnt to be able to move, and do things, and not only have one understanding of things.This deram drove that point home. Nightmare. Must be free, mustn't get trapped in own goals/desires. Mustn't lose what brought me here...

I have to call my family, and then go get ready to go down to campus early, today. Books to buy, and all... I had planned on sleeping until 11.20, or so, but the dream woke me up at 9.51. So yeah. No. So, class early, then maybe some food, then home, take a nap, do some reading.

I'm going to be nervous about that, all day... Everyone seemed to be giggling, about my situation... But not in a malicious way...

Talk to you later.

{10.45am, EDT: From a comment to thenowhere:

'Nightmares, about going to jail... Losing my freedom. It was mostly a symbollic dream, but, in it, i was as scared as i've ever been.

'It's part of the process, right now... Finding the right angles, to make a jail cell a wall, or a wall a pathway. To make things be other parts of themselves, that suit me, rather than simply trying to break the whole thing down, and call it over...

'You can't simply escape the prison, or destroy it, you have to transmute it, out of being a trap, into being a useful thing...

'My head symbollism is weird.'}

Comments

You're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't

[mr-hinzelmann.livejournal.com]

As always, you seem frustrated by your lack of perceivable choice. Prison is a common metaphor, almost always part of the collective unconcious, the relevant question is what is imprisoning you. Knowing you, I would have to say it's the constant frustration of things, which unfortunately affect your own life, but are beyond the ambit of your control. Prison is the ultimate victimization by one's environment. In your life, you are becoming more subservient to th whims and desires of others; of their emotions, of their dilemmas, of their sociao economic situation, of thier schedules. You aren't doing what feels right to you and you don't readily perceive a mean of manipulating your surroundings to suit you. Be patient.

Re: You're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Patience is... So difficult. But believe you me, sir, i'm more patient now than i used to be. Time was i'da just said "Fuck This Noise" and left.

Re: You're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't

[unknownbinaries.livejournal.com]

And then, of course, there's that it's a prison only if you see it as such. It could be just a room, which happens to be locked, if you can just let go of the entrapment.

Re: You're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Ability to act on the choice to leave is important...