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wolven7Jack Off Jill - [Vivica]--- So today was Free Comic Book Day. i got a lot of cool stuff. Sorry i didn't tell anyone about it, but i wasn't on, last nyte, and i'm only on, today, out of necessity. Need for distraction. my roommate and her boyfriend are in her room. Which is why Jack Off Jill is being played LOUDLY, right now. That and i'm bored, lonely, and wondering about a few things.
Mystic - [The Life]--- Did you ever have people, in your life, who., every tyme you saw them, made you want to smoke, or drink, or whatever, until some vital part of your anatomy started to bleed? No? Well i do. She's artistic, and great, and interesting and etc. And everytyme i see her, i walk away wanting to do myself subtle, yet potent, bodily harm... That can't be good for me... But she's not interested. i think. And whether that confusion is a factor, or a good thing, is still out for debate.
Disturbed - [Down With The Sickness]--- Quite honestly, though, everyone does that to me, on some level or another, these days. And All it takes for me to fix it is to ignore them, or to push my care for them away onto some non-level. And it works. (P.S. And the eotions are back if i want them) :\ i won'der about myself, sometymes. Not the whys, or whats, or wherefores, but the HOWs. The actual Hows. Where in me is the thing that causes me to be able to do things like that, and not be very much affected by it. In and from what depth of pragmatism lives and came my Core and my Spark, that i'm able to do that kind of thing. What trigger is the thing that allows me to say "i'm doing This now," And DO it? And another thing! Why haven't any of you people been commenting?
Harmon Dub - [Black Star Liner]--- i mean, i DO simply type to hear myself talk, sometymes, but that doesn't mean i don't enjoy feedback... Shit... i know. Busy. Things to do. School. Work. Dissertations. &c. And that's all well and good... i dunno.
i must say, though, that i'm rediscovering my love for Poe....(Jack Off Jill - Underjoyed). The way the man weaves beauty and life and love into everything dark and harsh and makes it all into something so utterly real. i remember why he insppired me to write, as i was younger. i want to do that. i want to be able to Create something Real. And if it affects people, in the process, then that is a bonus.
Jack Off Jill - [Clear Hearts, Grey Flowers]--- i need to work on my own writings, i believe. i'm afraid to, though. i worry that i don't know what i'm doing, and that the next tyme i land it won't be on solid ground, but on a rotting log, and into the quicksand of non-creativity i go (Thank you Neil.). So i haven't written in about a month, for fear of writing badly. You people watchiong, you think i know where i'm going. Ha. i'm jumping and landing and hoping it works out, and that i don't drown. (Cake - [Open Book]). So i don't write for a while. i did, however, work on some art, yesterday. LOL (Jack Off Jill - [Cinnamon Spider]) i just realised how loud this is. heheheh. But anyway, back to the subject at hand. It's like these livejournals.
Do you think i always come on here, knowing exactly what i'm going to write? No. The ones that seem to have a purpos to them, perhaps, but other than that, no. i type, and i give you people a little glimpse at my life, because that's allmost of you are able to see. You don't have the ability to live it with me. Most of you. And those who do, don't generally read the LJ , anyway, so it's ok. i hate for people to have to sit through this garbage more than once.
Pop Will Eat Itself - [Everythings Cool]--- Anyway, i think i'm going to go finish off that bottle of Tully, and smoke some more. Unhealthy, i know, and i shouldn't smoke, &c. &c. &c., but i really don't care right now. it's either that, or sit and listen to my roomates having sex. No thank you, very much. *shudder* i'll tarke some comics with me, and do some reading. Maybe my Poe collection. Heh. All right kiddies, i may or may not be back MUCH later. If only to say good nyte.
Ta Ta.
"In chaos and riots,
The screech of machines
No right and wrong
And no in betweens
Fall one by one
The Queen to her Fool
Dos Dedos, Mis Amigos
And Everything's Cool."
Mystic - [The Life]--- Did you ever have people, in your life, who., every tyme you saw them, made you want to smoke, or drink, or whatever, until some vital part of your anatomy started to bleed? No? Well i do. She's artistic, and great, and interesting and etc. And everytyme i see her, i walk away wanting to do myself subtle, yet potent, bodily harm... That can't be good for me... But she's not interested. i think. And whether that confusion is a factor, or a good thing, is still out for debate.
Disturbed - [Down With The Sickness]--- Quite honestly, though, everyone does that to me, on some level or another, these days. And All it takes for me to fix it is to ignore them, or to push my care for them away onto some non-level. And it works. (P.S. And the eotions are back if i want them) :\ i won'der about myself, sometymes. Not the whys, or whats, or wherefores, but the HOWs. The actual Hows. Where in me is the thing that causes me to be able to do things like that, and not be very much affected by it. In and from what depth of pragmatism lives and came my Core and my Spark, that i'm able to do that kind of thing. What trigger is the thing that allows me to say "i'm doing This now," And DO it? And another thing! Why haven't any of you people been commenting?
Harmon Dub - [Black Star Liner]--- i mean, i DO simply type to hear myself talk, sometymes, but that doesn't mean i don't enjoy feedback... Shit... i know. Busy. Things to do. School. Work. Dissertations. &c. And that's all well and good... i dunno.
i must say, though, that i'm rediscovering my love for Poe....(Jack Off Jill - Underjoyed). The way the man weaves beauty and life and love into everything dark and harsh and makes it all into something so utterly real. i remember why he insppired me to write, as i was younger. i want to do that. i want to be able to Create something Real. And if it affects people, in the process, then that is a bonus.
Jack Off Jill - [Clear Hearts, Grey Flowers]--- i need to work on my own writings, i believe. i'm afraid to, though. i worry that i don't know what i'm doing, and that the next tyme i land it won't be on solid ground, but on a rotting log, and into the quicksand of non-creativity i go (Thank you Neil.). So i haven't written in about a month, for fear of writing badly. You people watchiong, you think i know where i'm going. Ha. i'm jumping and landing and hoping it works out, and that i don't drown. (Cake - [Open Book]). So i don't write for a while. i did, however, work on some art, yesterday. LOL (Jack Off Jill - [Cinnamon Spider]) i just realised how loud this is. heheheh. But anyway, back to the subject at hand. It's like these livejournals.
Do you think i always come on here, knowing exactly what i'm going to write? No. The ones that seem to have a purpos to them, perhaps, but other than that, no. i type, and i give you people a little glimpse at my life, because that's allmost of you are able to see. You don't have the ability to live it with me. Most of you. And those who do, don't generally read the LJ , anyway, so it's ok. i hate for people to have to sit through this garbage more than once.
Pop Will Eat Itself - [Everythings Cool]--- Anyway, i think i'm going to go finish off that bottle of Tully, and smoke some more. Unhealthy, i know, and i shouldn't smoke, &c. &c. &c., but i really don't care right now. it's either that, or sit and listen to my roomates having sex. No thank you, very much. *shudder* i'll tarke some comics with me, and do some reading. Maybe my Poe collection. Heh. All right kiddies, i may or may not be back MUCH later. If only to say good nyte.
Ta Ta.
"In chaos and riots,
The screech of machines
No right and wrong
And no in betweens
Fall one by one
The Queen to her Fool
Dos Dedos, Mis Amigos
And Everything's Cool."
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no subject
Date: 2002-05-04 11:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-05-05 02:23 am (UTC)yeah i know what you mean and its called a heart shield. stick a red one up and it will stay up all by itself and in fact is real difficult to get down again, but careful coz if you do let it down or let anyone behind it then , having been shielded from the pain for so long, all hurts are magnified.its the only way i have coped with all the loss in the last year: ratsdying, 30 rats being rehomed not by my choice, losing boyfriends,losing my motorcycles, losing friends, buggering up my degree, losing my freedom, and soon to lose my house, which i lost as a home in feb when the bastards who broke in stole my sanctuary from me.and finallygradually losing myself, losing my hope, losing my capability to open myself enough for love, losing what shreds of humanity i had left.
shit i am glad this is in your LJ and not mine.this is what happens if ilisten to "summoning of the muse" by DEAD CAN DANCE while typing.
Well...
Date: 2002-05-05 11:12 am (UTC)Re: Well...
Date: 2002-05-05 05:21 pm (UTC)