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wolven7You won't be feeling shy right now, WOLVEN. Your need to attract attention and to perform will be heightened. Perhaps you should memorize some funny jokes to share with people. You often find yourself tongue-tied in social situations where you are surrounded by strangers. But if you keep some jokes on hand, you'll never be caught unprepared! Trust your charm and your sense of humor to help you to impress others.
For today, not tomorrow.
Mono - [Life In Mono]--- So, the party was, in it's own right, awsome. I am completely unused to parties which only last a single evening... And the next day, kind of, for a Winding Down... But if you don't sleep, between one and the next, doesn't it still count as only the One Day? Anyway, i know that i had a Mixed Drink of Fruit Punch and something. Possibly Vodka. Then i had a LOT of Vodka and Cherry Coke. And![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
saxshooter brought me Jäger. I love you, saxshooter, and your alcohol buying capabilities. There were many many people, there, and many of them i didnot know, and won't remember their names, upon my next seeing them. (The Chorus - [The Ballad of Sweeney Todd]). I drank a lot of Jäger, and i talked with a lot of people about a lot of really important things. Though many didn't show, or call, and many did, unexpectedly, it was a very good party.
I thought, a lot, last night, and this morning, about the efforts of desire. I am, of current, enamoured of someone who is, to put it mildly, a little far away. It's not an Unrequited Sensation, in the traditional sense, in that the feelings are returned, and completely encaptured, but it is.. a Rose, by a different name, because ther eis much talk of not treating things in certain manners, and so on... (Aphex Twin - [The Snow Answers Come in Dreams]). But it doesn't really matter. Because, when it boils down to it, when the layers are peeled away, it is what it is. And i'm not sorry about that. At All. Love is a many splendored thing, and so on. My problem arises, as it generally does, in matters Carnal.
I've always been one for high Exploration factor. I have, however, never been one to have much opportunity to conduct said exploration. Not until recently. Recently (read: "directly after realising the Enamoured state of my being,"), there have been many more offers, and opportunities than there ever have been, before. And i really despise that. With more passion than i know how to properly articulate. Let me try to explain: I am, in certain respects, a fairly strong-willed individual. I'm an obstinate bastard, and i hate to be proven wrong. So i can hold off, on things, out of pure spite. In other cases, i ignore situations because i would feel like Shit. That's the most prevalent factor.
Even if the other person "understands/Doesn't care/ &c.," i Don't and i Do. I Don't Understand, and i Do care. (Pain - [Thimbledrome]). It hurts me, to violate what is a deep trust, and something that, now that i blessedly have the ability to experience, is something that, on many many levels, i only want to share with someone i Love. Someone who, to sap it up a little more, facilitates my allowing me, within myself, to feel complete, and whole. To meld with them, and create new things. You know what i mean, i hope. That is the Logical, emotional, and Other sides of me, talking there. There are a few other sides which have some other things to say, though.
Voltaire - [Parade]--- As a result, and as a symptom, of all of the above, i get very lonely. I get Frustrated, and i get a little upset. And, after a while, that starts to chaffe. So, it's that will power, again, now that i've disected this further, from back when this whole thing started, to not take advantage of presented situations. To not tempt and corrupt Myself. And no, i'm not looking for affirmation-- someone to say "oh go ahead, it's ok"-- and i'm not looking for Acceptance of this mental process. I simply needed and wanted to get this out to the world, to be understood. I understand that the act of claiming myself commited to a person--even that person's Ideal, in distance-- and then even Acknowledging the fact that there are other temptations will be seen as reprehensible. (The Rza - [Ode to O-Ren Ishii]). But that's ok, with me. It's the way it is. It's what goes down.
I had a drag off of a cigarette, last night/this morning. I snatched it out of someone's mouth, took a drag, and then handed it back to them. I'm rather unhappy about That little occurence. My bad, my potential guilt with which i'll have to deal. (Interpol - [A Time To Be So Small]). Responsibilities, consequences and choices.
There were other occurences, last night and today, which were long overdue, and good for those to whom they happened. The slow progressions of change, and growth. Not quite corruption, but nice in it's own right. I spent most of this morning in a toga/sheet, in the library, with many others, dressed similarly. Yes, in the waking world. I've slept a total of about 3 hours, over the course of ysterday and today. This afternoon, in an effort to wind down, a few of us watched "Donnie Darko," "Rules of Attraction," and "Brotherhood of the Wolf." I must say, "Rules of Attrraction" was Amazing. Nihilistic, which is about how i always feel, in the aftermath of a party, and very concise... Twisty. Highly Enjoyable, and i'm recommending it, at least for a try.
And now i'm off, for a bit. Later. Don't kill each other, and remember: Consider your options, your choices, and the consequences of each.
Again: Later.
For today, not tomorrow.
Mono - [Life In Mono]--- So, the party was, in it's own right, awsome. I am completely unused to parties which only last a single evening... And the next day, kind of, for a Winding Down... But if you don't sleep, between one and the next, doesn't it still count as only the One Day? Anyway, i know that i had a Mixed Drink of Fruit Punch and something. Possibly Vodka. Then i had a LOT of Vodka and Cherry Coke. And
saxshooter brought me Jäger. I love you, saxshooter, and your alcohol buying capabilities. There were many many people, there, and many of them i didnot know, and won't remember their names, upon my next seeing them. (The Chorus - [The Ballad of Sweeney Todd]). I drank a lot of Jäger, and i talked with a lot of people about a lot of really important things. Though many didn't show, or call, and many did, unexpectedly, it was a very good party.I thought, a lot, last night, and this morning, about the efforts of desire. I am, of current, enamoured of someone who is, to put it mildly, a little far away. It's not an Unrequited Sensation, in the traditional sense, in that the feelings are returned, and completely encaptured, but it is.. a Rose, by a different name, because ther eis much talk of not treating things in certain manners, and so on... (Aphex Twin - [The Snow Answers Come in Dreams]). But it doesn't really matter. Because, when it boils down to it, when the layers are peeled away, it is what it is. And i'm not sorry about that. At All. Love is a many splendored thing, and so on. My problem arises, as it generally does, in matters Carnal.
I've always been one for high Exploration factor. I have, however, never been one to have much opportunity to conduct said exploration. Not until recently. Recently (read: "directly after realising the Enamoured state of my being,"), there have been many more offers, and opportunities than there ever have been, before. And i really despise that. With more passion than i know how to properly articulate. Let me try to explain: I am, in certain respects, a fairly strong-willed individual. I'm an obstinate bastard, and i hate to be proven wrong. So i can hold off, on things, out of pure spite. In other cases, i ignore situations because i would feel like Shit. That's the most prevalent factor.
Even if the other person "understands/Doesn't care/ &c.," i Don't and i Do. I Don't Understand, and i Do care. (Pain - [Thimbledrome]). It hurts me, to violate what is a deep trust, and something that, now that i blessedly have the ability to experience, is something that, on many many levels, i only want to share with someone i Love. Someone who, to sap it up a little more, facilitates my allowing me, within myself, to feel complete, and whole. To meld with them, and create new things. You know what i mean, i hope. That is the Logical, emotional, and Other sides of me, talking there. There are a few other sides which have some other things to say, though.
Voltaire - [Parade]--- As a result, and as a symptom, of all of the above, i get very lonely. I get Frustrated, and i get a little upset. And, after a while, that starts to chaffe. So, it's that will power, again, now that i've disected this further, from back when this whole thing started, to not take advantage of presented situations. To not tempt and corrupt Myself. And no, i'm not looking for affirmation-- someone to say "oh go ahead, it's ok"-- and i'm not looking for Acceptance of this mental process. I simply needed and wanted to get this out to the world, to be understood. I understand that the act of claiming myself commited to a person--even that person's Ideal, in distance-- and then even Acknowledging the fact that there are other temptations will be seen as reprehensible. (The Rza - [Ode to O-Ren Ishii]). But that's ok, with me. It's the way it is. It's what goes down.
I had a drag off of a cigarette, last night/this morning. I snatched it out of someone's mouth, took a drag, and then handed it back to them. I'm rather unhappy about That little occurence. My bad, my potential guilt with which i'll have to deal. (Interpol - [A Time To Be So Small]). Responsibilities, consequences and choices.
There were other occurences, last night and today, which were long overdue, and good for those to whom they happened. The slow progressions of change, and growth. Not quite corruption, but nice in it's own right. I spent most of this morning in a toga/sheet, in the library, with many others, dressed similarly. Yes, in the waking world. I've slept a total of about 3 hours, over the course of ysterday and today. This afternoon, in an effort to wind down, a few of us watched "Donnie Darko," "Rules of Attraction," and "Brotherhood of the Wolf." I must say, "Rules of Attrraction" was Amazing. Nihilistic, which is about how i always feel, in the aftermath of a party, and very concise... Twisty. Highly Enjoyable, and i'm recommending it, at least for a try.
And now i'm off, for a bit. Later. Don't kill each other, and remember: Consider your options, your choices, and the consequences of each.
Again: Later.
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cigarettes
Date: 2003-10-26 07:51 pm (UTC)Re: cigarettes
Restraint and Balancing, or trying to.
Re: cigarettes
Date: 2003-10-26 08:12 pm (UTC)Re: cigarettes
Ah...
Date: 2003-10-26 08:21 pm (UTC)Consequences must be remembered, and lessons that are hard learned should never be ignored. You only have so many times to learn them before the grades become pass/fail.
Re: Ah...
no subject
Date: 2003-10-27 08:56 am (UTC)Also, yay self control. Self Control of Any nature seems to be a quiality many people I know lack as of late.
no subject