Panasonic SL S12C
Aug. 17th, 2003 11:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wolven7My portable CD player, which i've had ince 1996, is dead. It lasted me, this long, through motor problems and the loss of a spring and one of the mechanisms for keeping the lid on, and the battery cover. It is dead. I obtained it, when my first portable was stolen, right out of my bookbag, at Grady HellSchool, along with a few CDs, and the best set of coloured pencils i've ever owned. 7 years that damned thing worked... Until, in the end, it simply couldn't do it, any more... and any Forcing on my part, would have made it an unwilling Zombie... and i can't dig that... So i let it go... I've gotten a new portable, since. Silver and metalic blue, instead of matte black... Plays Mp3 CDs, too... *shrug* Yes. I Get emotionally connected to Everything i own/am in connection with for a sufficiently long period of time. Fuck off if you'd lie to me and say you don't.
I packed, today. Packed the majority of the things i brought with me... My computer is being Shipped, down... I don't like it... None of it... My family is going to miss me, obviously... And you know what? I can dig that.. This is the longest period of time i've spent, here, in a WHILE. So yeah... I can understand... But i'm tired of hearing "Why don't you stay?" and "Are you looking forward to going back?" and "I bet you're" either 1) "ready to get out of here, huh?" or 2) "not ready to go home, huh?" Because the answers to all of these questions are This: It's not that fucking simple.
I Will miss everyone here, and i Do want to get home, and i Don't want to leave yet, and i Wish i could stay, and go to New York, and play Othello and Go with people i said i would, and go to PA to see people i want to see, and coffee and Waffle House, and cities that breathe, and culture and free museums, and parts of Home i don't remember, yet, and people i never saw, never had the guts to call, drama i need to resolve, and people who need to be Hit with the Stop Being Fucked Up Stick(tm). All of these things.
I feel all of them... I can't divide it up, that simply... And it's not completely my fault, you know? If they hadn't fucking brought me to Atlanta, i would never have made these Kick ass emotional connections.. and it wouldn't be so Fucking difficult, every time i come back to DC. So fuck it... Whining again, and i don't want to do that...
I love my family, because every membver of it, in their own way, helps me to find a new perspective on the things in which i am entrenched, daily. Culture, modes of thought, sub culture, people. Etc. My dad and i had a very long conversation about the kind of people who go to conventions, on the weekend of Otakon. Helped me to dissect and examine what could be seen as part of my Natural Constituency... Shit...
I'm out. Lost my thread.
Later
I packed, today. Packed the majority of the things i brought with me... My computer is being Shipped, down... I don't like it... None of it... My family is going to miss me, obviously... And you know what? I can dig that.. This is the longest period of time i've spent, here, in a WHILE. So yeah... I can understand... But i'm tired of hearing "Why don't you stay?" and "Are you looking forward to going back?" and "I bet you're" either 1) "ready to get out of here, huh?" or 2) "not ready to go home, huh?" Because the answers to all of these questions are This: It's not that fucking simple.
I Will miss everyone here, and i Do want to get home, and i Don't want to leave yet, and i Wish i could stay, and go to New York, and play Othello and Go with people i said i would, and go to PA to see people i want to see, and coffee and Waffle House, and cities that breathe, and culture and free museums, and parts of Home i don't remember, yet, and people i never saw, never had the guts to call, drama i need to resolve, and people who need to be Hit with the Stop Being Fucked Up Stick(tm). All of these things.
I feel all of them... I can't divide it up, that simply... And it's not completely my fault, you know? If they hadn't fucking brought me to Atlanta, i would never have made these Kick ass emotional connections.. and it wouldn't be so Fucking difficult, every time i come back to DC. So fuck it... Whining again, and i don't want to do that...
I love my family, because every membver of it, in their own way, helps me to find a new perspective on the things in which i am entrenched, daily. Culture, modes of thought, sub culture, people. Etc. My dad and i had a very long conversation about the kind of people who go to conventions, on the weekend of Otakon. Helped me to dissect and examine what could be seen as part of my Natural Constituency... Shit...
I'm out. Lost my thread.
Later
