wolven7 | This is what happens when i focus on something, for too long.

Funker Vogt - [Narayan]---This is fear and insecurity Made Manifest.

I'm in DC, and i'm wearing very Stylish Black Clothing, including a black leather trench coat. And i'm next to the city government parking lot, waiting for a car to pull up, and i need to talk to the person inside. The person is Ben, a conglomeration of the two Ben's to whom i have the most connection. He's just come from a Martial Arts Training, and it's very early in the morning. My mom is there, too. This big black guy gets out of Ben's car, and he sees us, and i Nod, to Ben, and he drives off with this old guy, in the car-- a combination of Saul, from "Pi," and Zampanò. The black guy's wearing a black Gi, no belt, and he starts following my mother and i, talking to us about the Matrix, even though we know that he isn't free, and doesn't believe a word of it. He says "Hey, yo, i saw the matrix, once. Neo gonna Save, my ass? Huh? If Neo's so big and bad, then why don't he just make the matrix For Humans, and not for machines? Why make it this way, in the first place?" And i turn, walking backwards, and i look at him, saying "Neo didn't create the matrix. He can simply manipulate it. And he's not here to save you, or teach you. He's here to show you that you can save and learn yourself." I pause. "Just like me, in the real world." I turn around, and i take off running, and the guy starts chasing me, and i can see where i'm running.. The pattern of where i am, in the city, and where i'm going. I'm running faster than anything's ever seen, here. Don't feel like flying. I can feel my mom think, "If you're gonna do that, you can keep right on running, home." And it starts to feel like my grandmother's area of town, and all industrialized, and claustrophobic, so i turn around, and start running back toward the parking lot. I get there, and i keep a fence between the black guy, and me and my mom's car. {A feeling like mech_angel is just over my shoulder, through this entire section.}

I'm in a house that is a conglomeration of the smaller bits of one level houses i know. Elements of every i've ever been in, and there are two people, there. They are someone who feels and looks mostly like Angelica, this girl that stalked me, when i was in highschool, and she was in middle school, and some boy that feels kind of like her brother, but Isn't. And they're making out, on the floor, and talking about the amounts of trouble they'll get into. And they stop making out, and i lay down next to her, on the floor, and try to comfort. Tell her things will be ok. She reaches down, and yanks on my crotch, and says "sorry, you don't get any. i can't fit you." I jump back, flabbergasted, and stare at her, then i leave the room, heading toward the laundry room, from my dad's house.

I'm in a very large mansion, kind of like the Darkos' house, from Donnie Darko, if there were no wall to the facing-left of their stair case, and was more spaciously open. Expanded. There are many different Visions of Satan, around the room. All the Satan's from popular television, and movies, and comics, and books. All there, in this mansion. It's a Satan party. I don't really interact with Anyone. I see a desk clerk, from hell, walking around with his daughter who is Evil, but necessarily. She doesn't really Enjoy being Evil. It's something she Is. And this one Satan has taken an extreme liking to her, and is trying to get her to work for him. She spurns his advances, and continues around the party. I think "Good for her." But the father is trying to Impress the Satans, and trying to curry their favour, and wants her to work for One of them, and he was the one of the Most important, there. They move into the kitchen, where there is a game of tennis being played between The Red Guy, from Cow and Chicken, and this little girl who is a combination of Mandy, from "Grim and Evil," and Helga, from The Oblongs. She's evil, and kind of Frog-like. She lights one of the balls on fire and sends it Screaming at the Red Guy. From behind the Clerk and his Daughter, a voice says, "Well. I Like her better, ANYway..." They turn, and there's the Other Satan. She Glares at him, about to kill him. The Clerk blushes, and pulls her away, quickly. The Clerk, his wife, and their daughter, are walking down the grand staircase, and the clerk has a wooden version of the Masamune, Sephiroth's sword. He keeps mummbling to himself and his wife, about how he should go in there and use a certain Technique on all of them. He wife (Japanese), looking bored of him, says that they should simply Go. They go outside, and the Clerk sees that there are people in a garden, off to the side/back of the house, and that they are cooking out, and drinking. He goes over to them.

There is much drinking and talking, and carousing, and watching of television. Things start to happen. It becomes apparent to all, present, that they are Living Out, various sections and segments of popular movies. There is, suddenly, a beach, and Drew Barrymore walks up, with a bunch of kids, under a cannoe. They flop down on the beach, and prop up the cannoe as shelter, from the sun. She stretches out, headlong, from under the boat, in the sand and sun, and i see sand go down her top. She doens't seem to care. I know that she is working with Youth Communication, and Middlesex Highschool, Matrix Branches. She's a Program, and able to take her students on field trips Anywhere. {Behind me, where water should be,}There is a very large grove of bamboo.

In, behind, and under the grove of bamboo, there is a parking deck. It is the parking deck at Georgia State. There are people, there, i know, and we start throwing things at the walls, behind the bamboo. I use one of the shards of the Masamune, and i try, repeatedly, to staba a watermelon. I finally manage it, but the melon breaks in half, and i only throw half of the thing at ther wall, where it splatters, and runs down the wall. I go over to the edge and i look down, and i realise things that are happening.. I start to draw conjunctions. I wake up, half awake...

10.47am. I sit in bed, thinking about these things, trying to make sure i remember the Matrix part, and all of it... I drift back into unconsciousness..

I'm on a field trip, with a bunch of people from school, and we're heading, apparently, to the Mountains, and there are a Lot of people there. We stop in a rest station, Cracker Barrel, kind of place, in Northern SomewhereSouthern, and i'm inside, which looks like an Outback Steakhouse, and i'm talking to lilsayermonster, about highschool, and things that happened. We're laughing and reminiscing. She drops a barrette, into an operating electric fan that the waiter was holding, face up, and she and atlqueenrai are trying to get it out with their fingers. I walk back outside. I tell Someone, with black hair, that feels distinctly Like someone, that i'm going outside, and i'll meet her out there. We're all supposed to be getting back on the bus Truck van thing, anyway. I go out and i see this girl from State, and she went to DragonCon, one year, as Gaz, from Invader Zim. She looks at me, and is talking about what's going on inside, and i tell her that i Really want a cigarette, and she's like, yeah, me too. I say, "I can't have one though, i quit." She asks me to say again, and i do, louder. There's some kind of background static, now. And I say that i still want one, everyonce in a while, and try to justify having one. But i never do. She leans closer to me and i lean in closer to her ear, so she can hear me. I repeat, and i turn my head to turn away, and the sides of our cheeks touch, and the sides of our lips. I continue moving away, and she lunges forward, kissing me. I push her away, roughly, and i fall to the ground. She says "It's all right," which merges into the Other, Important someone saying the same thing.

"It's all right," she says. "After about the sixth boyfriend, you start to expect it. You start to seee the Pattern of Leaving.' She laughs, shortly, bitterly. I want to tell her that i noticed that possible pattern, after the third {(Girl leaving me)}, but i know it won't help, and i try to tell her that it doesn't have to be this way, that i didn't kiss the other girl, that the other kissed Me. I wake up, with a start

Lunachicks - [Passenger]--- An hour later, drenched in a cold sweat, and feeling like Shit. (Cake - 12 [She'll Come Back To Me]). I didn't like that last dream... (Freur - [Doot Doot]). It made me feel guilty and dirty... But i went to bed, last night, with lingering thoughts, still, of a conversation which made me question if that poem were in my voice, or Gibson's. In short, i went to bed, last night, feeling like a Hack. A Cheat. I also finished Difference Engine, directly before going to bed. So, fears twist, and make manifest... I could ennumerate where allthe other parts came from, too... One of the Ben's is in Atlanta, thise weekend, for a Martial Arts Thing, the Other Ben, who lives in atlanta, called me, last night. So, there's them. The rest is stuff of place, and things that are always in my brain. Synergetic. Catlytic.

In that second to last chunk, near the end.. Well, either of the parts where there was physical/sexualised contact with someone who was Not someone whom i wanted, it felt.. Distinctly like Those Parts in FLCL. (KMFDM - [Sucks]). Where the kid is getting molested, or manipulated, in a meaningless way, and feels like he's being jerked around. Yep.