A touch... A veritable Sting...
Dec. 15th, 2001 01:56 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wolven7What? you expect something of me everytyme you come here. You must, otherwise you wouldn't look. And perhaps you expect it to be angry, or happy, or sad, or lecturing, but you expect something. Why? i'm tired, here, people. i've spent the past two days awake, trying to deal with my shit. Then i let people come over, and i have to deal with that shit. Talking to them, explaining to them, expressing myself, at length. And tomorrow, i go to a Christmas party.
About this party: there will be people, there, that i haven't seen in months, for various reasons. School, not wanting to, a break from their shit, dealing with my shit, combinations of the above, &c. i'm not looking forward to it. i want a day where people simply leave me a lone, when i WANT to be left alone. People seem to never be around when i want, yet are always there, when i want solitude.
Have you ever had someone not try to make ANY contact with you, for two months, and you not know what's going on with them, and not bein any real good place to care, yet they do the backhanded guilt thing? You know, the "I haven't seen you in awhile. We were worried about you." And you know that, while you aren't there, they're talking about how you aren't their friend, anymore, how you've not been there, that kind of shit? Well, i called. i called, once, and quite frankly, i didn't feel like dealing with hearing shit about other people who weren't there to defend themselves. That's not my bag. i don't like talking about people, not there, with people, not involved, and i don't like hearing other people do it around me. i don't like gossip. And, contrary to popular belief and opinion, i don't feel like a person's motivations, wants, and desires can be shown, simply through the fact that they haven't been around.
Understanding. That's what i want, more than anything. i want people to understand each other, and themselves. i don't care if you LIKE each other, but jeezus, how can you say that you like, hate, or love someone whom you don't even attempt to understand. If you can't understand, or make the effort to understand, don't be around them. i don't want to be elitist. i don't want to disrespect anyone. i want to be able to be around the people i like and care for, without worrying if they're going to get pissed for me being myself.
i'm an understanding person. i try not to judge. anyone who knows me can tell you that much. While i may disapprove of something, as an action which *i* would not have taken, i do not begrudge anyone their choices, as they are their's, not mine, and it is not my life. But godsdamnit, there's only so much i can take of being around and understanding and trying to make others understand each other, before i want to kill someone!
So i'll tell you what i'm gonna do: i'm gonna be me, all me, all the tyme. Whatever i feel that encompasses, within the rules laid down, by me. So, if you can't deal with the facts that i may sometymes be a bastard, or that i may do things you won't agree with, say so NOW. If you can't cope with me, i apologise, but i'm not changing who i am, to suit anyone but me. There are mitigating circumstances, and requirements here, but those are individualised. as a general statement, this is it. Talk to me, if you need more.
About this party: there will be people, there, that i haven't seen in months, for various reasons. School, not wanting to, a break from their shit, dealing with my shit, combinations of the above, &c. i'm not looking forward to it. i want a day where people simply leave me a lone, when i WANT to be left alone. People seem to never be around when i want, yet are always there, when i want solitude.
Have you ever had someone not try to make ANY contact with you, for two months, and you not know what's going on with them, and not bein any real good place to care, yet they do the backhanded guilt thing? You know, the "I haven't seen you in awhile. We were worried about you." And you know that, while you aren't there, they're talking about how you aren't their friend, anymore, how you've not been there, that kind of shit? Well, i called. i called, once, and quite frankly, i didn't feel like dealing with hearing shit about other people who weren't there to defend themselves. That's not my bag. i don't like talking about people, not there, with people, not involved, and i don't like hearing other people do it around me. i don't like gossip. And, contrary to popular belief and opinion, i don't feel like a person's motivations, wants, and desires can be shown, simply through the fact that they haven't been around.
Understanding. That's what i want, more than anything. i want people to understand each other, and themselves. i don't care if you LIKE each other, but jeezus, how can you say that you like, hate, or love someone whom you don't even attempt to understand. If you can't understand, or make the effort to understand, don't be around them. i don't want to be elitist. i don't want to disrespect anyone. i want to be able to be around the people i like and care for, without worrying if they're going to get pissed for me being myself.
i'm an understanding person. i try not to judge. anyone who knows me can tell you that much. While i may disapprove of something, as an action which *i* would not have taken, i do not begrudge anyone their choices, as they are their's, not mine, and it is not my life. But godsdamnit, there's only so much i can take of being around and understanding and trying to make others understand each other, before i want to kill someone!
So i'll tell you what i'm gonna do: i'm gonna be me, all me, all the tyme. Whatever i feel that encompasses, within the rules laid down, by me. So, if you can't deal with the facts that i may sometymes be a bastard, or that i may do things you won't agree with, say so NOW. If you can't cope with me, i apologise, but i'm not changing who i am, to suit anyone but me. There are mitigating circumstances, and requirements here, but those are individualised. as a general statement, this is it. Talk to me, if you need more.
