Things that have been happening.
May. 19th, 2003 03:33 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wolven7Cibo Matto - [Know your Chicken]--- Been chasing echoes, for lack of better to do, and as a means of self-Torture. Been dreaming in Darkness, Archology, SLC Punk and Matrix. Saw SLC Punk. Meeting more-semi new people. I don't really meet new people, in the non-computer world, anymore. They are all met through/as friends-of-friends. Have been meaning to work on the webpage. Haven't. Have been subjecting myself to "Obligations." Shouldn't. Can't seem to bring myself to deny facticity, and can't seem to want to face the inevitable. Feeling sickish. (The Rentals - [Friends Of P.]) "And i'm mentally Slipping."
Been doing fucked up things to a copy of House of Leaves: putting the grey "Houses" in blue, with a highlighter, leaving notes, and the like. Realised, just now, how oddly empty Obsession can feel, while filling one with purpose. Doing a lot of things to please others... Talking to people about why they shouldn't do things to please others. Hypocrisy. Wondering. Thinking about D.C. Thinking about Philadelphia. Thinking about New York. Thinking about differences in opinion, and grating opposition, and spite and hatred.
The Buggles - [Video Killed The Radio Star]--- Looking at the summer as some kind of Empty Waste, or Ocean, and there are Three clear markers: Moving to DC. Coming back for my birthday. Moving back to Atlanta. There are other things, here and there that i Want to happen, or that May happen, but they are by no means Certainties. Neither are the other three, but the level of their probability is higher than that of their negations, or any other option in the path. Only because i let them be. Letting things be. The rest of the summer seems full of studying, and working, at whatever job i get, which doesn't seem to be anywhere Near as certain as it once was. (Cake - 12 [She'll Come Back To Me]). No longer do i have the assurance of the pattent office job, with its $15/hour. It has a six-week training course, which would directly conflict with my coming back, for my birthday. I cannot Not come back for my birthday. I've promised too many people. Again, "Obligations." Purely of my own edification and design. I worry at what i do to myself... I wonder when you'll get sick of this Wishy-washy shite and simply leave.
Elastica - [Connection]--- And i know that phrases like that only serve to sever a connection, more quickly. Believe me i know... but the thought (Worry) is still there, and i felt like voicing it. Again. Trying to remove the standard Segues and Replications... Replies... to statements, and phrases. "Anyway. Anywho. So yeah, good deal," and the like. (Arrogant Worms - [Santa's Gonna Kick Your Ass]). And it's a lot more difficult than it seems. About as difficult as ceasing to make everything a simile. Removing "Like." But what else has happened... Been thinking, too much, about the past, and not in terms of what it means for my future, but in a purely nostalgic sense. Fuck that, you know?
Ass Ponys - [Little Bastard]--- Nostalgia Lies. It tints everything that rosy shade of Better, when sht was equally as fucked, then, as now, it simply seems Better, because it's more familiar. You knew what was going on, then, or you think you did, and the Now is an ever-changing, frightening thing. Any second, you could be ripped away from a sound, happy little world, into something that makes absolutely no sense, and the sky is Orange, and there are songs that are Screams, and they are the most horrifyingly beautiful thing you've ever hear, and you weep blood, if you don't keep your sense of self, about you, so you cling to the past. (Moxy Früvous - [Pisco Bandito]). You hold onto it like an old blanket, and yeah, i've said this before, i'm sure, but it's true. You can't. I can't allow this to hold me back, from whatever changes i need to make in my life. So shit's familiar. Big deal. Does that make it good? Not necessarily. Neither does it being New. Things that are New are not inherently Good. The Fact of their newness Is. There is a distinction.
Moxy Fruvous - [Laika]--- So screw the past, except as a guide post for what was where, every so often. I need to shower. I need to sleep. I need to start talking, again, about things that fucking matter, instead of whinning, for paragraphs on end... Post-Modernism is not an inevitability. There can be Made New. If my dream of Creation taught me anything, it was that... And some other shit. I'm for Dream.
Later.
Dream Well
Been doing fucked up things to a copy of House of Leaves: putting the grey "Houses" in blue, with a highlighter, leaving notes, and the like. Realised, just now, how oddly empty Obsession can feel, while filling one with purpose. Doing a lot of things to please others... Talking to people about why they shouldn't do things to please others. Hypocrisy. Wondering. Thinking about D.C. Thinking about Philadelphia. Thinking about New York. Thinking about differences in opinion, and grating opposition, and spite and hatred.
The Buggles - [Video Killed The Radio Star]--- Looking at the summer as some kind of Empty Waste, or Ocean, and there are Three clear markers: Moving to DC. Coming back for my birthday. Moving back to Atlanta. There are other things, here and there that i Want to happen, or that May happen, but they are by no means Certainties. Neither are the other three, but the level of their probability is higher than that of their negations, or any other option in the path. Only because i let them be. Letting things be. The rest of the summer seems full of studying, and working, at whatever job i get, which doesn't seem to be anywhere Near as certain as it once was. (Cake - 12 [She'll Come Back To Me]). No longer do i have the assurance of the pattent office job, with its $15/hour. It has a six-week training course, which would directly conflict with my coming back, for my birthday. I cannot Not come back for my birthday. I've promised too many people. Again, "Obligations." Purely of my own edification and design. I worry at what i do to myself... I wonder when you'll get sick of this Wishy-washy shite and simply leave.
Elastica - [Connection]--- And i know that phrases like that only serve to sever a connection, more quickly. Believe me i know... but the thought (Worry) is still there, and i felt like voicing it. Again. Trying to remove the standard Segues and Replications... Replies... to statements, and phrases. "Anyway. Anywho. So yeah, good deal," and the like. (Arrogant Worms - [Santa's Gonna Kick Your Ass]). And it's a lot more difficult than it seems. About as difficult as ceasing to make everything a simile. Removing "Like." But what else has happened... Been thinking, too much, about the past, and not in terms of what it means for my future, but in a purely nostalgic sense. Fuck that, you know?
Ass Ponys - [Little Bastard]--- Nostalgia Lies. It tints everything that rosy shade of Better, when sht was equally as fucked, then, as now, it simply seems Better, because it's more familiar. You knew what was going on, then, or you think you did, and the Now is an ever-changing, frightening thing. Any second, you could be ripped away from a sound, happy little world, into something that makes absolutely no sense, and the sky is Orange, and there are songs that are Screams, and they are the most horrifyingly beautiful thing you've ever hear, and you weep blood, if you don't keep your sense of self, about you, so you cling to the past. (Moxy Früvous - [Pisco Bandito]). You hold onto it like an old blanket, and yeah, i've said this before, i'm sure, but it's true. You can't. I can't allow this to hold me back, from whatever changes i need to make in my life. So shit's familiar. Big deal. Does that make it good? Not necessarily. Neither does it being New. Things that are New are not inherently Good. The Fact of their newness Is. There is a distinction.
Moxy Fruvous - [Laika]--- So screw the past, except as a guide post for what was where, every so often. I need to shower. I need to sleep. I need to start talking, again, about things that fucking matter, instead of whinning, for paragraphs on end... Post-Modernism is not an inevitability. There can be Made New. If my dream of Creation taught me anything, it was that... And some other shit. I'm for Dream.
Later.
Dream Well
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no subject
Date: 2003-05-19 05:29 pm (UTC)Why do you want to eliminate similes? They expand our expressiveness.... some things can be better understood in images and sensations than in plain logical words...
Yeah that uncertainty is an interesting thing....both with exciting unknown possibilities...and the fear of possibly losing whatever is good in your life at the present moment..
Just figure out what you want. Not what other people want, but what you want, and find a way to still satisfy others at the same time. And then remember than you are making choices every second of your life. Every day is infinite possibility, and you are the chooser, you are the creator.
-sister anonymoys
no subject
Date: 2003-05-19 05:34 pm (UTC)no subject