Sunday Morning Worship...
May. 11th, 2003 06:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wolven7Gary Numan - [Dominion Day]--- Today was strange. At every mention of Satan, or Evil, or the Advesary, or the AntiChrist, i found myself with an involuntary smile on my face, and the running commentary, in my head 'Did you ever think that, maybe, what Lucifer and every Satan opposes is not the ideal of Love and Light, and Goodness, but, instead, the idea of blind worship, and following? That, Perhaps, the job f the "Adversary" is to teach the other options, and remind humans what free-will is For?' (Gary Numan - [Dead Heaven]). And my back felt weird, all day...
Ever since 10th grade, i've had a very strange relationship with God (whatever you take that to be.). I scream at god, i rant, i cajole, i bait God. Because God has taken things from me, and god has placed me in situations that were, to me, displeasurable. Ostensibly, according to Doctrine, to teach me lessons, and help me grow... Well, shit, man, you could have used some less harsh lessons... And i realised that i'm not one for, ever, sitting back and Taking it. I get these moods, where i'm like 'Fuck it. Whatever.' but those are rare... I kept having strange pains in my back, throughout the entire service. And i watched people do the whole "New Desciple" thing, and join the church, or get baptized, or whatever... And i was happy for them... That sounds contradictory... I was happy, because they had the ability to fully devote themselves to one set of beliefs. They had Chosen.
With all i believe, and all that i hold to be true, about the world... (Gary Numan - [Innocence Bleeding]). I don't get that... More importantly, i don't Want that, anymore... I see that there is a wider, deeper path... And i feel a bit sorry, for anyone who can't accept that path... but i also love to see the level of devotion, there... Church always does this to me... I remember going to church as a kid, and i remember being afraid of Armageddon, until i was 12. I couldn't even listen to songs that had the word Revelation in them, because it scared the shit out of me. Because i knew that, were it true, i'd be on what was commonly seen as the Wrong Side. I'd go to Hell, or my family would, but either way, we'd be separated... And that scared the Shit out of me...
At this point there are... Options. And i have a much firmer grasp on what i believe... *sigh* Enough ranting, for now..
I'm out.
Ever since 10th grade, i've had a very strange relationship with God (whatever you take that to be.). I scream at god, i rant, i cajole, i bait God. Because God has taken things from me, and god has placed me in situations that were, to me, displeasurable. Ostensibly, according to Doctrine, to teach me lessons, and help me grow... Well, shit, man, you could have used some less harsh lessons... And i realised that i'm not one for, ever, sitting back and Taking it. I get these moods, where i'm like 'Fuck it. Whatever.' but those are rare... I kept having strange pains in my back, throughout the entire service. And i watched people do the whole "New Desciple" thing, and join the church, or get baptized, or whatever... And i was happy for them... That sounds contradictory... I was happy, because they had the ability to fully devote themselves to one set of beliefs. They had Chosen.
With all i believe, and all that i hold to be true, about the world... (Gary Numan - [Innocence Bleeding]). I don't get that... More importantly, i don't Want that, anymore... I see that there is a wider, deeper path... And i feel a bit sorry, for anyone who can't accept that path... but i also love to see the level of devotion, there... Church always does this to me... I remember going to church as a kid, and i remember being afraid of Armageddon, until i was 12. I couldn't even listen to songs that had the word Revelation in them, because it scared the shit out of me. Because i knew that, were it true, i'd be on what was commonly seen as the Wrong Side. I'd go to Hell, or my family would, but either way, we'd be separated... And that scared the Shit out of me...
At this point there are... Options. And i have a much firmer grasp on what i believe... *sigh* Enough ranting, for now..
I'm out.
