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Too many thoughts
Aug. 13th, 2014 12:37 pmI shouldn’t have to ask myself
“should i put on a suit and tie,
so they’ll know I’m safe?
So they’ll know I’m
‘One of the good ones;’
one of the threatless ones.”
I shouldn’t have to question whether
I’m safe enough to leave the house
at night, in jeans and a t-shirt,
whether when the cops and EMTs
whom i called
see his prone, unconscious, white face,
they’ll make an immediate assumption about
who i am and what I’ve done.
I shouldn’t have to ask if my haircut is
going to make me more likely
to get fired
or shot.
I shouldn’t have to hear my mother saying,
“I love you; be careful”
with terrible new import,
and more weight,
every day.
I can’t stop asking myself,
“What if it had been me?”
What narrative would be spun to justify
my death?
What pictures and stories selected
from the myriad histories of a life
lived…Well?
My master’s degree and professional
achievements? My volunteer work
and advocacy?
Or my stumbles and disenfranchisement
with a series of systems that grinds us all down?
Idealistic or disgruntled?
Fiery, or merely “angry?”
Look what they reduced Brother Malcolm to,
Dr King. Safe, neat boxes to fit
the narrow narration of the
status quo.
These thoughts, rambles, random
as they are, are with me every day.
They refuse to resolve
into an easy answer
and they fail to coalesce
into any kind of picture
that makes sense.
------------------------------------------------
I posted this as a comment, elsewhere, but I believe it enough to say it to everyone:
'… the fact of criminalized blackness--that our society EXPECTS black people to be criminals until they "prove" otherwise--is part of what feeds so many into the cycle of fulfilling that prophecy.
'If there's nothing else they can be but a criminal or what they see as the kind of person who subjugates and oppresses their friends, their family, then that choice--the choice to follow the clearest, easiest path laid out for them, the choice to stand AGAINST the people who stand against them--becomes obvious.
'Now those are obviously NOT the only two options anybody has, but I'm talking about the things that cause people to think they are. The things that mahttp://www.thewire.com/politics/2014/03/people-including-cops-view-black-kids-less-innocent-and-less-young-white-kids/359026/ke people look at 16 year old black kids and see "Violent Thugish Men" instead of…kids:
'Our society is full of constantly reinforced racial hatred:: http://lordbape.tumblr.com/post/93357010164/killed-for-being-black-theres-more-black-on-white
'And our police departments are literally rooted in catching runaway slaves: www.sagepub.com/upm-data/50819_ch_1.pdf
'Hundreds of years of that doesn't just go away, when slavery "ends" (slavery's still legal if you get sent to jail), when black people get the vote, when segregation "ends," when we have black president. It doesn't go away by the people who are unaffected by it calling for "rationality" and "objectivity" or claiming to be "racially colourblind."
'It goes away when we confront the nature of the system that perpetuates racism, when we educate everyone, everywhere on how it spreads, and when we do the work to Stop it. That's going to mean what looks like special treatment of those who have suffered, over those who haven't.
'But we have to remember that this is the work of actually creating a fair deal, for everyone. If I'm in a hole 8 feet deep, you're in a hole 10 feet deep, and someone else is in a hole 12 feet deep, fair isn't giving everyone a 4ft ladder.
'Fair is doing whatever it takes to get everyone out of their holes and on the same level, and then maybe filling the holes in, so nobody else falls into them.'
“should i put on a suit and tie,
so they’ll know I’m safe?
So they’ll know I’m
‘One of the good ones;’
one of the threatless ones.”
I shouldn’t have to question whether
I’m safe enough to leave the house
at night, in jeans and a t-shirt,
whether when the cops and EMTs
whom i called
see his prone, unconscious, white face,
they’ll make an immediate assumption about
who i am and what I’ve done.
I shouldn’t have to ask if my haircut is
going to make me more likely
to get fired
or shot.
I shouldn’t have to hear my mother saying,
“I love you; be careful”
with terrible new import,
and more weight,
every day.
I can’t stop asking myself,
“What if it had been me?”
What narrative would be spun to justify
my death?
What pictures and stories selected
from the myriad histories of a life
lived…Well?
My master’s degree and professional
achievements? My volunteer work
and advocacy?
Or my stumbles and disenfranchisement
with a series of systems that grinds us all down?
Idealistic or disgruntled?
Fiery, or merely “angry?”
Look what they reduced Brother Malcolm to,
Dr King. Safe, neat boxes to fit
the narrow narration of the
status quo.
These thoughts, rambles, random
as they are, are with me every day.
They refuse to resolve
into an easy answer
and they fail to coalesce
into any kind of picture
that makes sense.
------------------------------------------------
I posted this as a comment, elsewhere, but I believe it enough to say it to everyone:
'… the fact of criminalized blackness--that our society EXPECTS black people to be criminals until they "prove" otherwise--is part of what feeds so many into the cycle of fulfilling that prophecy.
'If there's nothing else they can be but a criminal or what they see as the kind of person who subjugates and oppresses their friends, their family, then that choice--the choice to follow the clearest, easiest path laid out for them, the choice to stand AGAINST the people who stand against them--becomes obvious.
'Now those are obviously NOT the only two options anybody has, but I'm talking about the things that cause people to think they are. The things that mahttp://www.thewire.com/politics/2014/03/people-including-cops-view-black-kids-less-innocent-and-less-young-white-kids/359026/ke people look at 16 year old black kids and see "Violent Thugish Men" instead of…kids:
'Our society is full of constantly reinforced racial hatred:: http://lordbape.tumblr.com/post/93357010164/killed-for-being-black-theres-more-black-on-white
'And our police departments are literally rooted in catching runaway slaves: www.sagepub.com/upm-data/50819_ch_1.pdf
'Hundreds of years of that doesn't just go away, when slavery "ends" (slavery's still legal if you get sent to jail), when black people get the vote, when segregation "ends," when we have black president. It doesn't go away by the people who are unaffected by it calling for "rationality" and "objectivity" or claiming to be "racially colourblind."
'It goes away when we confront the nature of the system that perpetuates racism, when we educate everyone, everywhere on how it spreads, and when we do the work to Stop it. That's going to mean what looks like special treatment of those who have suffered, over those who haven't.
'But we have to remember that this is the work of actually creating a fair deal, for everyone. If I'm in a hole 8 feet deep, you're in a hole 10 feet deep, and someone else is in a hole 12 feet deep, fair isn't giving everyone a 4ft ladder.
'Fair is doing whatever it takes to get everyone out of their holes and on the same level, and then maybe filling the holes in, so nobody else falls into them.'
