It always seemed enticing to be naked and profane, there is no denying...

cailement: "It's your dream, so it's not going to look the same from my perspective, but I feel like it's less of a dream deferred, and more of a glorious beginning to a long and bloody journey."

To me it feels a continuation, and I think my hands are so bloody, that I can't grip anything, anymore, and even if this past year and a half has been about wiping the blood off my hands and standing away from the field, it's still caked under my nails, and I thought, eventually, I could figure out whose blood is whose, what of it is mine (but maybe that's another lesson, entirely, that all blood is the same blood, no matter who spills it) and, maybe, have people see my scars, know I've fought, and be willing to listen when I say I don't want to fight, I just want to talk about a different way.

But I guess not yet.

momentai: "Don't keep attacking yourself and the journey in terms of bowing down, compromising, and being sidetracked, try to reconceptualize those beliefs into a framework that is more appealing to you. Don't make this your enemy, become allies with it."

'We are none of us alone
even as we exhale it is inhaled by others
the light that shines upon me shines upon my neighbour as well
in this way everything is connected
everything is connected to everything else
In this way I am connected to my friend even as I am connected to my enemy
In this way there is no difference between me and my friend
In this way there is no difference between me and my enemy
We are none of us alone' - Life

"I'll go fighting nail and teeth
You've never seen such perseverance
Gonna make you scared of me
'Cause haemoglobin is the key..." - Placebo, "Haemoglobin"

Do you know what this means? I only kind of know what this means. I think this means that this is what it is, that I will devour and disect that which is in the path of disection and devouring. And that friends and enemies and frustration and failure and perseverance are all relative... and essential...