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The Stranglers - [Golden Brown]--- Less than six hours' sleep, after kicking my own ass, in a variety of new and interesting ways. And the tried and true ones. Realised that i'm really quite afraid of not being good enough for you, for myself, for anyone. I fear that the pedestals on which you place me will be quite uncomfortable, and my stepping or falling down, will make me less, in your eyes. So i freak out, when i try to make sure that doesn't happen.
This leads to me pulling Myself down, before anyone else cane, while simultaneously trying to prove my worth. This makes my life a hell. The kind that i Don't control. I hate that, too, and then i hate myself for falling into it. I hate that cycle, too, so i've decided to Stop it. It's a pointless, meaningless thing and, worse than all that, it pre-empts my learning curve.
LUXT - [Zero]--- If i fail, i at least learn why i've failed, and get to grow. If i remove the option of Trying, i get Nothing. No lesson, no joy at success, no fuel, no Fire. Nothing. I get a vortex of self-loathing. And i got sick of those, in highschool.
I don't have all the answers. Not yet. No one ever will. The best we can ever hope to do is have a mechanism by which we might grow and change, in pace with our lives.
I got yelled at, today, for something that was completely out of the rubric of my control, by all rational standards. The customer asked for information that, when i provided it, only made him more upset. It was like a little microcosm, of my life. So i took a deep breath, took a walk, and called him back. I left a message detailing clearly everything that we could know, and everything that we had told him, several times. I gave him his options, and told him to have a nice day. The end.
Voltaire - [Ex Lover's Lover]--- His inability to cope with the scope and range of my power is Not My Problem. End of story.
I'm off to finish a paper.
Good night, my friends.
This leads to me pulling Myself down, before anyone else cane, while simultaneously trying to prove my worth. This makes my life a hell. The kind that i Don't control. I hate that, too, and then i hate myself for falling into it. I hate that cycle, too, so i've decided to Stop it. It's a pointless, meaningless thing and, worse than all that, it pre-empts my learning curve.
LUXT - [Zero]--- If i fail, i at least learn why i've failed, and get to grow. If i remove the option of Trying, i get Nothing. No lesson, no joy at success, no fuel, no Fire. Nothing. I get a vortex of self-loathing. And i got sick of those, in highschool.
I don't have all the answers. Not yet. No one ever will. The best we can ever hope to do is have a mechanism by which we might grow and change, in pace with our lives.
I got yelled at, today, for something that was completely out of the rubric of my control, by all rational standards. The customer asked for information that, when i provided it, only made him more upset. It was like a little microcosm, of my life. So i took a deep breath, took a walk, and called him back. I left a message detailing clearly everything that we could know, and everything that we had told him, several times. I gave him his options, and told him to have a nice day. The end.
Voltaire - [Ex Lover's Lover]--- His inability to cope with the scope and range of my power is Not My Problem. End of story.
I'm off to finish a paper.
Good night, my friends.
