Things are trying to take form, again...

Wümpscüt - [Die In Winter (Slow)]--- I'm still working on letting things flow where they will, letting them be as they want. Unfortunately, as i said to Kelly (you probably know her, somehow), earlier, i feel like some part of me is simply waiting for this stage of the experiment to be over, so we can get back to "normal," and i guess that's true, sadly. Or not so sadly. It makes perfect sense that a part of me would be waiting to integrate this all back into the complete whole. On the other hand, i want to fully engage this, and i can't do that if I'm waiting, in the wings, for the"real me" to come back in.

Tori Amos - [Cruel]--- If there's to be any honest, genuine learning, here, i can't be tapping my foot, waiting out the clock. I have to be in this, now. And i don't feel that i can, anymore, with all of the things i've learned. And maybe that's the point. Maybe that's something to relearn, before i can approach the upcomming situations. (Cole Porter & Carmen McRae - [Ev'ry Time We Say Goodbye]). I don't know. I just want to be here, now, for now.

This is a calm, floating place... but i can feel other things passing me by. Other work not getting done, or getting done in a way with which i will be displeased, in the future. Because i can't stay here. Void and Water are vacations from the Sixth ring, and if you don't know what that is, by now, then you've not been paying attention.

Pretenders - [Don't Get Me Wrong]--- Water builds, behind a dam, when it's not properly diverted, properly focused, and then it spills over, again.

To change to course of a river, all you need is one well-placed pebble.

All is founded on nothing, and nothing is balanced against the all.

I'm done being a cryptic fucker, for now. I'm just in a poor state, where the work i'm doing seems to be a vacation, and not work...

The Art of Noise - [La Flûte de Pan]--- I'm going to go meditate, and read.

Dream Well

"You're the new John Wayne."

"You're my smile,
You're my dreamboat,
You're the prince of Spain;
You've got style,
You're our scapegoat,
You're the new John Wayne."

That was the song, in my dream, last night. I was down at State campus, with a nwe laptop, and that was o it, i was on the corner of teh courtyard almost directly opposite, from where everyone usually sits, under the pretext of having gone to find a cherry coke. Ended up sitting, and listening to that song, In the dream, it was sung by Bender, from Futurama, and the files were surrounded by stuff from the Robot Devil. Then i went to go get an apple, putting my stiuff in my laptop bag, and wandering off. There was something Else, in the laptop bag, but it was supposed to be there...

If you can't tell, the song is about being the New Messiah, the New Figurehead, meant to have no power, but saying "Fuck You," and making that power work for you. Making it Actually yours. It's a cross between a tango, and a jazz rhythm... Really fucked...

I'm off to get ready for work.

Things i need: Mainly Nag Hamadi

Any and all books of the apocyphal books of the Bible. The Gnostic Gospels.

Lot's of weird conversations, around work, today. More reading.

That song, from my dream, got partially replaced by "Holy Diver," by Dio. Fucked up... Kind of full, but still want some cereal...

I don't have many deep things to say, today. Except give me those books. Now.

I need more materials.

I am a golden God.

Jeffrey Rowland is Intruiged by Pudding.

Moohoo hahahaha...

I feel like Philip K Dick is admonishing me, from the grave...

"Be careful of this path." Or however the fuck you want to say it... Like i'm being prodded, in distinct time with what i'm trying to learn. Giving me new angles, and paths to follow.. Shit. Here's partial transcript, from an earlier conversation:

The Nag Hamadi, Mircea Eliade, Gnostics, Heraclitus, Parmenadies, The Tao Te Ching, Hyperspace, Daedalus, the Labyrinth, Time/Space manipulation, idealism, infinity, etc.

I WASN'T looking, though... I really wasn't. I just went to the bookstore. After i said i wouldn't...

Seriously. I went to the bookstore, with nothing in mind, nothing that i Found, anyway. And i left with The Rubaiyat, A Book of Five Rings, Valis, Flow My Tears, the Policeman Said, The Haunting of Hill House, Paradise Lost& Paradise Found, and When the Sleeper Wakes.

I didn't intend this... I was looking for The Prophet, and maybe a couple of Caitlín R Kiernan books, or some China Miéville... I checked out the new age section, and, not finding anything i wanted, i wandered fiction. The things i wanted were not available. The things for which i searched. I happened upon the Musashi, and was pleased to find it... The Rubaiyat struck a familiar chord, that i couldn't place, so i got it... The rest i picked up on Whim.

To which mendori said ".... remind me to beat you".

I'm trying to let it entre, and leave, but it's got claws, and it crackles and burns... in all the right ways....