Certain things.

Deadsy - [The Key To Grammercy Park]--- This makes me feel very good. I can find everyone i know on this CD, multiple people per song, disecting lines, and phrases that make me love hate or understand bits of the whole of each of you. This CD feels good, to me. It lets me relax and calm myself, regain a centre... And i need that, these days. "She Likes Big Words," is actually the song that started me on another "Songs that Remind me of People" kick; so strongly did it remind me of someone.

Have you noticed how unsure you felt of yourself in the past forty days? At work, investments seemed suspect, and your associates difficult to evaluate. Business seemed fraught with peril! But beginning today, these doubts will be nothing more than an unpleasant memory. You'll be able to accept or reject a proposal confidently, with clear judgment. What a relief!

Deadsy - [Winners]--- Yes. Sure. We'll get right on that.

Ta.

Fire.

Deadsy - [Lake Waramaug]--- There is, of late, the need for change. The destruction of anything. Everything. I want to burn it all away and bathe in the ashes. There is little, here, anymore. There is everything here, that i've grown attached to, in shells and shocks, and forms, but something is missing. Everything hase spiralled, golden, toward its centre, in an effort to chrysalis out, into something newer, stronger, more pure, abel to be what it wants to be.. And i don't know that that can happen, if not by fire. And the burnign is there, anyway.. everyone feels it.. that slow-- or not so slow-- pushing towrard something else, and some thing more. New states of being, i guess...

It doesn't go away. It will be there, whether we accept it; it doesn't care. It will either burn us away, and make room for something else, something new-- exactly what we wanted-- or it will be used, grasped. (Deadsy - [The Elements]). Made to temper us and drive us forward. Internally combusting, like fucking taco hell burritos. And that is where we are. And by we i mean the generalised reflections of me, which is all you ever really are. Pallettes for visions of the world... All we are to anyone, isn't it? No? Ok. Either way, then. It doesn't change the fact that there's change in the mix.

I want to use it as a tempering fire. But-- and i'm being very candid with you, here-- i'm afraid. I'm afraid of losing something. People. Stability, in a form of chaos that i know. And i'm afraid that i'll not recover. That i can't stand with out something propping me up.. that i'm really Empty... in the bad ways...

I worry.

I was going to quote "Tyger, Tyger," here, but it was increasingly hollow, with each printed word. I'm working towards a reformation, not a utilization of solely that which has gone before. Create. Destroy, Change. Grow.

Embodiment.

Off.

November mornings.

Yoko Kanno - [Rain]--- I had dreams, last night, which i don't remember, anymore. Woke up strangely, and i don't think i wanted to remember them, anyway. Maybe something else about the mall in my head, and the people there. Everyone i know, there, at some point. Everyone except the person i was looking for. I'm out. I'm going to go buy a damn marta card, and a movie ticket..

Going to see "Matrix: Revolutions." Finally.

Later.

{12.33: God Lives Underwater - [Vapors]--- I also dreamed in/of arithmoquining Typographical Number Theory. And of the song "Snow Theater/Final Steps," by Tomandandy. Interesting...}

Second Place means We Try Harder.

Just got back from Trivia, and it awas awesome. Won second place. Met a lot of people, and got to see Ray. Haven't seen him since Dragon Con. That was awesome. Thanks djaesthetic, and michette, for dragging me out.

Got some other stuff done, but still didn't get to go to the movies. Shit. Ah well, i'm out. Later.