I want

I want lots of things. Like a Cigarette. And a Car. I need to be Out. NOW. Remember that whole Prison thing, i talked about? That whole not getting the sense of Freedom? Yeah, i have that, in full. Need to contact people, if only to use them as an aperture and armature of escape... I have pictures that make me smile. No, not those kinds of pictures, you Fucks. Simple Visits... i need and want things, and it's getting difficult to distinguish between the goods and bads...

Yay.

Ok... No.

I'm seeing an ad for a video called "Call of the Wild: Sex in the Animal Kingdom." It's being advertised like Porn. I'm disturbed... They're using words like "Untamed," and "Uncensored..." At first i thought it was a joke... But no. Why would animal sex be censored? Why is Human sex? Food, pet, accountant, neighbour.

"There are reasons we have those distinctions."

"Not your reasons." - Dilbert & the Garbage man.

Anyway, just thought i'd let you know.

O.o... Uh.. Dood... (stolen from comorbid)

Speaking of Contradictions...


You are Peace.

You are at peace with your self and the world
around you. You have balance in your life and
exude tranquility from every pore of your body.
People are constantly asking you "what is
your secret?"


What Emotion Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

*ahem*... What?

never did find that cigarette

Mai Yamane & SEATBELTS - [The Real Folk Blues]--- Picked up applications, today, and wandered around an open-air mall, in the rain. I get terribly tired of the Snickers and Giggles behind my back, for wearing a trench coat. People believe that, because they've seent he matrix, they can delienate the source of my stylstance? Fuck them. I wanted a cigarette, so badly, today. (Tori Amos - [Assholes Are Cheap Today (live)]). There caused, in me, a break.. i was talking to myself, outloud, due to frustrations.

It got to the point where there was a 2/3/4 sided discussion, between myself, myself, the universe, and myself. (Carrie Hamilton - [Home On The Range]). I got to the point where i was asking myself if there might not be some kind of Problem, if i were This insistent of smoking. If, perhaps, it were no longer a cathartic thing. This, along with my cajoling, and my yelling at the universe, and the simple Asking, afforded me even further stares, while walking through the intensely sububan Bowie Maryland. (Skinny Puppy - [Grave Wisdom]). So, i want cigarettes, and it has been suggested that i simply Tell my parents that i smoke. I think of the inherent disappointment, there, not only in the Parent and older family, but in my Cousin, who seems to, against all reason, look up to me. She's 9. Wouldn't understand. Perhaps there's nothing To understand.

Who knows? It is a practice i enjoy, that affords me some form of release, that synchs with a place in my Mind, and emotions. Meditation, destructions, and discipline, in one, and separate, holding other places, away from there... Something i can't fully explain, other than that it does feel right, no matter how many others i might "let down," in the process... (The Police - [Don't Stand So Close to Me]). It's not about knowing badness, and not being able to stop, or denying the badness, or denying the dependence, or anything else, in the Junkie List. It falls under knowing it all, and it feeling correct, anyway.

Right. Well. Whatever. Later