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Jack Off Jill - [My Cat]--- You sometymes get the sense, in your life, that you're the reason that everything is shit. If it weren't for me, you think, everyone else would be perfect. Do people act like this, when i'm not here, you ask, or do i bring these things out in them? Is it something about my personality, you ponder, that naturally brings out the worst in human nature? You begin to apologise to yourself, and those around you, for the trouble you cause, and you start to keep to yourself, and remain quiet, hoping that it'll all go away.
Jack Off Jill - [Angels Fuck]--- This is narcissism. When you feel as if everything is your fault, that's saying that you caused it to happen. This is the heighth of egotism. And even if it's true, so what? If you draw a certain type of thing, maybe it's because you have, within yourself, the ability to do something about it. Perhaps you don't cause it, but notice it and are meant to change it. If not, why lament? Embrace it. Use it. Draw power and strength from it. If you don't like that idea, then change. Be different. Know yourself, accept yourself, love yourself. Is it that hard?
Oingo Boingo - [We Close Our Eyes]--- i went out dancing tonyte, and i re-realised that many of the natural proclivities, in me, are destructive. i had a brief internal struggle, with this, and then proceeded to accept it. i can create. i do that every day. But when i see something useless, and purposeless, my first instinct is to destroy it, that something else may be brought in and made useful. But that's not the point. The point is this: i went out dancing tonyte. it was fun, and i'm a lot less stressed.
The music was good and bad, sometymes too fast, but i danced, and i fell into the music, and let myself go. Someone threw a cherry from a drink at me. There was a brief murderous rage, and then i got over it, and went back out to the dance floor. (Oingo Boingo - [Gratitude]). i danced, and i danced, and i allowed myself to be surrounded by people who seemed, themselves, to be lost in dancing, and forgetting anything but the Song and the Music. And i wanted to fly.
Sometymes, when i dance, i wish that i had physical wings, and that dance floors, and clubs, could be open sky. Because i can't dance the way my mind and my body want me to dance. i can make a close approximation, but i don't quite capture it, the way i so often feel i Need it. The movement, the flow, the depth and range... It's all there, but muted...
Dead Can Dance - [Desert Song]--- There are days when i love simply moving. i love the feel of my bones and muscles and tendons pulling against each other, and working with each other. i love the way air rushes past me as i move, all of it following the beat of my heart and the rhythm of my lungs. Music helps me capture that. And i realise that there's nothing to do, but feel it. i wait, and i feel, and i take it all in.
Living. "It's easy. There's a trick to it; you do it, or you die." And i had been dying for a while, on a very important level. i had stopped loving who and what i was. i forgot that there was, within me, the ability to fold and swirl and meld with the Music and the Song. (Jack Off Jill - [Girlscout (Sunday Mix)]) And i found that, again, a while ago. i remembered how to care, but remain apart. How to give myself over, and keep to myself, all at once. And that was beautiful. But it was not until tonyte that i was able to exemplify it. Motion and action. The Effects of True realisation.
When you're in the car, listening to something that touches you, you can move your hands, your arms, your upper body. You cannot give yourself over to the music, becoming yourself and showing yourself in motion, as much. i did that tonyte. It was a welcome reoccurrence.
i think i'm going to go to bed, now, because i have things to do tomorrow. Enjoy yourselves, kids.
Good Nytes. Good Days. Dream Well
Jack Off Jill - [Angels Fuck]--- This is narcissism. When you feel as if everything is your fault, that's saying that you caused it to happen. This is the heighth of egotism. And even if it's true, so what? If you draw a certain type of thing, maybe it's because you have, within yourself, the ability to do something about it. Perhaps you don't cause it, but notice it and are meant to change it. If not, why lament? Embrace it. Use it. Draw power and strength from it. If you don't like that idea, then change. Be different. Know yourself, accept yourself, love yourself. Is it that hard?
Oingo Boingo - [We Close Our Eyes]--- i went out dancing tonyte, and i re-realised that many of the natural proclivities, in me, are destructive. i had a brief internal struggle, with this, and then proceeded to accept it. i can create. i do that every day. But when i see something useless, and purposeless, my first instinct is to destroy it, that something else may be brought in and made useful. But that's not the point. The point is this: i went out dancing tonyte. it was fun, and i'm a lot less stressed.
The music was good and bad, sometymes too fast, but i danced, and i fell into the music, and let myself go. Someone threw a cherry from a drink at me. There was a brief murderous rage, and then i got over it, and went back out to the dance floor. (Oingo Boingo - [Gratitude]). i danced, and i danced, and i allowed myself to be surrounded by people who seemed, themselves, to be lost in dancing, and forgetting anything but the Song and the Music. And i wanted to fly.
Sometymes, when i dance, i wish that i had physical wings, and that dance floors, and clubs, could be open sky. Because i can't dance the way my mind and my body want me to dance. i can make a close approximation, but i don't quite capture it, the way i so often feel i Need it. The movement, the flow, the depth and range... It's all there, but muted...
Dead Can Dance - [Desert Song]--- There are days when i love simply moving. i love the feel of my bones and muscles and tendons pulling against each other, and working with each other. i love the way air rushes past me as i move, all of it following the beat of my heart and the rhythm of my lungs. Music helps me capture that. And i realise that there's nothing to do, but feel it. i wait, and i feel, and i take it all in.
Living. "It's easy. There's a trick to it; you do it, or you die." And i had been dying for a while, on a very important level. i had stopped loving who and what i was. i forgot that there was, within me, the ability to fold and swirl and meld with the Music and the Song. (Jack Off Jill - [Girlscout (Sunday Mix)]) And i found that, again, a while ago. i remembered how to care, but remain apart. How to give myself over, and keep to myself, all at once. And that was beautiful. But it was not until tonyte that i was able to exemplify it. Motion and action. The Effects of True realisation.
When you're in the car, listening to something that touches you, you can move your hands, your arms, your upper body. You cannot give yourself over to the music, becoming yourself and showing yourself in motion, as much. i did that tonyte. It was a welcome reoccurrence.
i think i'm going to go to bed, now, because i have things to do tomorrow. Enjoy yourselves, kids.
Good Nytes. Good Days. Dream Well
