livejournal entry

Feh. Computer's fuckin up my christmas. Making me really really upset at the no sound having shit. i'm not happy. Nothing to talk about. Weird dreams about school trips, with GSU, my friend Ness, the people at a Cinnabon in the mall in my head not giving me what i wanted, and the same section of roof/building matrix from that dream where i made that guys ears bleed.

i'm fuckin upset. Bye.

P.S. i hate moving, and i'm doing this soon, i hate the superbowl, and i hate idiots. i also feel like i'm out of the loop with all of my friends. Like, no matter how much tyme we all spend together, &c., there's still something i'm missing [out on]. The End.

Here. Have some of this.

Tyme for more verbal and emotional abuse, simply because you decidewd to check and see how Wolven was doing. In'nat special?

Anyway, i'm not feeling too terribly happy, if you couldn't tell. i don't know why. Actually, i really think it's the movig, and the thing with my friends. Every day that passes i feel myself getting more and more distant from them, and i don't know why... It's not an all around thing, either. There will be these certain one or two levels where everyone else connects, and i simply feel left out, and alone.

People talk about people they know, and cons they go to, and gaming sessions, and this and that, and i'm like "i'll be over here, reading my book, if there's any part of the conversation with which i can help." Nearly everything that interests me is so "subjective" and influenced by the person experiencing it, that there is never what you could call "common ground," with any of it. Majik, mysticism, philosophy, spirituality, religion, and other esoteric and/or occult (meaning hidden) shit is so terribly a personal thing that talking with anyone about it, and expecting to get anything done is, while not impossible, certainly frustrating.

Then there's the moving thing. i hate moving. Let me say that again, a little bit different: i HATE MOVING!!!! It makes me nervous, and jittery, and it's leaving some place in which i have placed a modicum of emotionality, trust, and security, and pulling up and moving to some place that i do NOT know, and will have to get used to, again. There's always the problem of former energies, ghosts (had that problem, once), Bad Location, or any number of other problems, on that level. Then there's the mundane shit of changing one's address, getting phone service, paying new bills, blah b-blah blah blah. i hate all of this shit.

But even the sum total of these cannot convey the utter Loathing and Dread that accompanies me, any tyme i have to move from a place, in which i have spent more than a month. i think the only way anyone could successfully understand this is to be in my head, or to live with me for a year, and watch EVERYTHING that i do, whenever i move into a new place. Neither of these would any of you like very well, i think. Maybe one of you. *sigh*

Good bye. You are all disturbing me, on some level. Don't think that this means i don't love you. It simply means that my head space is very open, right now, and i need to go be moderately alone. Good Nyte.

Dream Well