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wolven7Tool - [H]--- "My blood before me begs me open up my heart again..." I sit here, and i wonder what it's like to be actually Admired.... Would i t be one of those things, where i say/think i want it, until it happens, and then it's all scary, and i want it to go away? Or would it feel nice? Like Belief, and Sacrafice? Because i read the works of others, and i admire them, and i think that they are great people, but i feel that my telliung them so would be met with Scorn, or whathave you. There are many of them... And i simply don't know if anyone could ever feel tht way, about me... The more i go on, the more this sounds like a Fishing expedition, which is the last thing i want. I don't want Pity...
Tool - [46 & 2]--- I don't know how to explain it, but there is a connection and Lut that comes with someone admiring you, for something. Maynard's voice, writing, Talent... Shit... i don't know... If i went off on who i admired, and why, i'd invariably leave someone out, and they'd feel like i didn't admire them... or think of them enough to speak of them here, when that's not true. Some of you have ineffable qualities like Bearing that make me admire you... some have qualities like your Feral natures... tempered in logic... Steppin' Razor... and all the others... There are so many things that i want to say, here.... (Tool - [Message to Harry Manback]). But i want to feel the love and warmth, unbidden and unasked, of simple admriation.
Tool - [Hooker With a Penis]--- But i want manythings, and some of them are as simple as "to be held," or as complicated as "to be able to make out with someone who will enjoy it, and is my friend, but the making out doesn't make it more than that." And some of them are contradictory, seemingly. Like wanting to be admired, while not caring what others think of me. I want there to be The Ability To Access That Deep Connection... But the connection's so deep that it's there all the time, and you knwo when other people are willing to and want to access it, with you... So it's not one sided... and that's ok... want that.... That's what i want...
Tool - [Intermission]--- i remember more of my dream... it toopk place, in a van, special forces type of thing, driving around in a parking lot, or garage, that was also my elementary school art room.... (Tool - [Jimmy]). That's all i can remember... but every time i spoke of connection and companionship, above, i kept getting flashes of it.... And.... yeah... Work is snapping my gentle mind like a new twig... slowly, and with much tearing. I know the disconnection and the separation that people speak of. The not-in-controlness. I know it, and i'm trying to slowly destroy it.... But every step i take is a step towards distraction... i know this Gateless Gate thing... and i'm right the fuck there. (Tool - [Die Eier Von Satan]). But i can't bring it up... i can't bring it to the Fore.... And that bothers me....
Tool - [Pushit]--- It's like grabbing at silver motes, in the air, or passing yourt fingers through the fabric of everything... You know you can do it, and you want to , but wanting to is only going to make you not able to. That's how all of this feels. Like you people are only acting as background... but not even to Me. That would be acceptable. This time it's background to something that doesn't even want to name or show itself, except to cause internal dissonance. And maybe it's beneficial... Whatever. When i say the Horror Scop line "In fact, you can't count on anyone but yourself," made me want to kill people... And it was a totally irrational reaction, i guess... Unless you take all factors into account.... Basically, these fucking Oracles telling me shite i already know, in a way that will only piss me off, and witrh a bad connotative conteext, to boot. What the Fuck, you know? OaD was never that harsh. (Tool - [Caesaro Summability]). Why the fuck should You be? Trying to add that "Human" touch? No wonder i hate humans, so much, sometymes....
Tool - [AEnima]--- Anyway, it boils down to sources being mean, and cryptic, in a subject that was already a touchy one, today... And my life is love and laughter.
I'll see you all later.
Tool - [46 & 2]--- I don't know how to explain it, but there is a connection and Lut that comes with someone admiring you, for something. Maynard's voice, writing, Talent... Shit... i don't know... If i went off on who i admired, and why, i'd invariably leave someone out, and they'd feel like i didn't admire them... or think of them enough to speak of them here, when that's not true. Some of you have ineffable qualities like Bearing that make me admire you... some have qualities like your Feral natures... tempered in logic... Steppin' Razor... and all the others... There are so many things that i want to say, here.... (Tool - [Message to Harry Manback]). But i want to feel the love and warmth, unbidden and unasked, of simple admriation.
Tool - [Hooker With a Penis]--- But i want manythings, and some of them are as simple as "to be held," or as complicated as "to be able to make out with someone who will enjoy it, and is my friend, but the making out doesn't make it more than that." And some of them are contradictory, seemingly. Like wanting to be admired, while not caring what others think of me. I want there to be The Ability To Access That Deep Connection... But the connection's so deep that it's there all the time, and you knwo when other people are willing to and want to access it, with you... So it's not one sided... and that's ok... want that.... That's what i want...
Tool - [Intermission]--- i remember more of my dream... it toopk place, in a van, special forces type of thing, driving around in a parking lot, or garage, that was also my elementary school art room.... (Tool - [Jimmy]). That's all i can remember... but every time i spoke of connection and companionship, above, i kept getting flashes of it.... And.... yeah... Work is snapping my gentle mind like a new twig... slowly, and with much tearing. I know the disconnection and the separation that people speak of. The not-in-controlness. I know it, and i'm trying to slowly destroy it.... But every step i take is a step towards distraction... i know this Gateless Gate thing... and i'm right the fuck there. (Tool - [Die Eier Von Satan]). But i can't bring it up... i can't bring it to the Fore.... And that bothers me....
Tool - [Pushit]--- It's like grabbing at silver motes, in the air, or passing yourt fingers through the fabric of everything... You know you can do it, and you want to , but wanting to is only going to make you not able to. That's how all of this feels. Like you people are only acting as background... but not even to Me. That would be acceptable. This time it's background to something that doesn't even want to name or show itself, except to cause internal dissonance. And maybe it's beneficial... Whatever. When i say the Horror Scop line "In fact, you can't count on anyone but yourself," made me want to kill people... And it was a totally irrational reaction, i guess... Unless you take all factors into account.... Basically, these fucking Oracles telling me shite i already know, in a way that will only piss me off, and witrh a bad connotative conteext, to boot. What the Fuck, you know? OaD was never that harsh. (Tool - [Caesaro Summability]). Why the fuck should You be? Trying to add that "Human" touch? No wonder i hate humans, so much, sometymes....
Tool - [AEnima]--- Anyway, it boils down to sources being mean, and cryptic, in a subject that was already a touchy one, today... And my life is love and laughter.
I'll see you all later.
