Over on Tumblr, somebody asked me, "any spells for combating suicidal thoughts?"
This was my reply:
First and foremost, please please PLEASE, if you are feeling like you need immediate help, get IMMEDIATE help: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ http://eyeamdivine.tumblr.com/post/106704095763/us-international-suicide-prevention-lifelines
Barring that, please talk to someone, talk to anyone, and there are people there who will and want to listen. Please believe me.
You’ll need Wormwood and Chamomile and Melatonin. If any of these causes you interaction problems, you leave it out, but you keep the others in. If none of them are okay for you, any “Sleepy Tea” (catnip, jasmine, etc) will do in a pinch.
You’ll need to find the memory of the voice, the words, the presence of someone you trust, the sound or sight or feeling of them telling you the truth of yourself: That you deserve to live, that you deserve to experience and become more, that you’re stronger than you ever thought possible.
You’ll need a sheet of paper and the nearest pen you have to hand. Favourite, most comfortable, happened to be there lying on the ground, barely working sticking out of the trash, whatever.
If pen and paper aren’t your thing, then any portable means of freestyle mark-making will do. P&P are just our shorthand, here.
If you’re a listener, you’ll need your favourite piece of instrumental music. No lyrics. You’re going to supply the words.
If you’re not a listener, then hold the memory of a perfect moment in a day. Not people or situations, just a moment. The feeling or smell or sight or sound or taste at a singular point in time when you knew, Knew
, that all was well.
You’ll need an empty, quiet room.
Set water to boil, in a kettle if possible, and place the wormwood and chamomile together in a tea ball, infuser, or even just a conical strainer or piece of cheesecloth. Anything that’ll allow you to steep the herbs without having to eat them. If you don’t mind a little crunch in your beverage, then put the herbs in the cup and don’t worry about it.
Pour the boiling water over, through, or into the herbs, and let them steep. Two or three minutes should do the trick. While it steeps, take stock of your remaining supplies, again:
- Melatonin, if it’s okay for you
- The memory of true words from a trusted source.
- A piece of paper
- Any pen
- Your favourite instrumental piece, or the memory of a perfect moment
- An empty room
Set the music to play, hold the perfect moment in your mind, and sit in the middle of the empty room (or as close to the middle as you can get, depending), keeping the paper and the pen near to hand. Hold the words of that trusted source in your mind and begin to write, or draw, or scribble.
Start with the words you remember. The words about how strong you are, how brave you are, how much you’ve survived, and all that you deserve to see and experience. They don’t need to be the exact words, they don’t need to be spelled correctly or even look like “words,” per se. Make the marks you make as you think of those true words.
Drink the tea and take the melatonin.
Continue to hold that memory, listen to the music, and recall those words and make those marks—new marks, as well: pictures, shapes, representations of anything, everything you feel connected to— and as you start to feel the tired, make your way toward your bed, or the couch, or the most comfortable place you can find, and lie down there. Keep your mark-makers close to hand, though.
As you drift off, hold the marks the pictures the words and memories in your mind, switching rapidly between all of them, using the feeling of all of them to drive out all other thoughts, images, recollections, and one of these things will be the last thing you think about before you sleep.
When you dream, try to follow every path, investigate every clue, look in every window, and open every door you find. Write down everything anyone says to you (you brought your mark-makes with you, remember? They’re right next to you), and bring it back with you. Nothing may be what it initially seems to mean, but everything is important. hold on to as much of it as you can, but don’t worry about what you might have to let go.
When you wake, write down as much of what you remember in the same place as all the other marks you’ve made. Study them. Follow their leads and let them point you away from the things that would deny you everything you deserve to experience and see to rob you of accomplishments which are yours by right and dint of the strength and effort and conviction you’ve shown in getting so far
and doing so well
And know that you have journeyed far and learned deep truths. Know that you have crafted your mark on the world with weight and truth and intention behind it, with memories of everything you’ve overcome. Know that you are here, breathing, where so many others aren’t and that’s okay. It’s not failure or triumph or cowardice. It’s you, Here, and that’s okay.
Those marks are your sigils, your glyphs, your words and symbols of power. You don’t need to cling to them, to see them, or have their physical representation near you, every day, because the secret truth about the words, the runes, about spells? Well when you learn to spell, those marks are yours, forever. They’re always in your mind, and even when things get jumbled, eevn wehn tihgns gte msseed pu, we can still understand each other, still decypher each other, still make ourselves known and understood with the marks we make.
This is a spell to help you make your own spells. To remember that every day you are here is a day when you can learn another of the universe’s secrets from the song of a bird or the pattern of a spray of branches or from your own memories and heart.
Make your own spells. Make as many of them as you can. Share them with all of us for as long as you possibly can. This one’s just to get you started.