I'm Not

Apr. 7th, 2015 02:39 am
wolven7: (Dream House)
[personal profile] wolven7
I am not okay. That’s not a plea for attention, or me asking you to try to Make me okay. It is me saying to you that I Am Not Okay, and it is me Asking you to understand that i might not Be okay for quite some time.

Grief fucks you up, y’know?

Don’t expect me to be my “normal self,” don’t expect me to be as easily “on,” don’t expect anything, ever, but especially right now you’ll take this for what it is, and nothing more or less.

I am not okay.

I lost two of my family’s closest members in the past month, two weeks apart, one from long illness and the other in random, sudden horror.

I need time and space to process this, and those are what i do not have. But that doesn’t mean i want you gone. Just know, if you Are around, that I’m not doing great right now. Just understand that, and be okay with it.

And Sometimes making really dirty jokes to friends is the only thing that helps.

Life's funny that way.

Grief conversations are some of the weirdest social transactions in the Western world: People use the language of guilt to express sympathy & then we Thank them.

It's almost nonsensical, but we all know exactly what it is we're trying to convey AND why we're failing.

Remarkable.

Date: 2015-04-21 01:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] n3m3sis42.livejournal.com
I have no idea what happened, but I'm sorry for your loss.

Date: 2015-04-23 04:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wolven.livejournal.com
Too many deaths of too much close family.

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